Tania. "Mom called my name softly while shaking my little body.
"Tania, let's wake up! It's late afternoon. "
I tried to open my eyes and still hope that the sun still hides her, but Mama is right. I immediately awakened myself by sitting on the side of the bed that has accompanied my sleep for 6 years. Mama changed my bed 6 years ago because I felt I had grown big and my bed was not strong enough to accommodate me. Yes, I'm big. I'm 16 years old. Last year I went into the white world of ash which I think is very fun, maybe I will go into one of the people who will miss the whiteness of my future brother.
"What do you want to eat?" Mom is busy wiping my bedroom curtains
"What aja deh."
"Yes, have a quick shower! Later Mama make fried rice, huh? "
I just nodded and immediately rushed to take a bath.

I think two years have passed so quickly. I used to be a new student in this U-shaped building. Not so many friends I know. But that was two years ago, now it all feels different. I already have a level sister, already have many friends, and next year I will leave this building with alumni status. But…
"Tania" Someone patted my shoulder as I got right in front of the class
I just turned my face to him
"Thanks for the invitation. I'll come to the sweet 17 lo show. "
"Yes Fat is the same. I wait, yes. "
Fatkhur showed his smile and walked away. I wish he knew I wanted to see his smile longer. I entered the class.
Tan, why do not you just say if you like Fatkhur? Kan lo also often the same him. "Riri seemed to realize the tragedy in front of the class
"What the heck, Ri." I replied as I placed the bag
"Do you like Fatkhur?"
I do not think Riri's question needs to be answered. So I decided to ignore it.
Tonight is my 17th birthday celebration. I deliberately asked Mama to hire Event Organizer so we do not have to bother preparing everything. Mama and I also decided to hold a show at a cafe not far from home. While Papa just yes-yes only. I think tonight I have to say a lot of gratitude because many who attended my birthday party brought a gift called a gift.
"Happy Birthday, Tan." Say it without giving a gift in any form but I think his arrival alone is enough
"Thank you, Fat."
"Sorry I did not bring gifts, tomorrow I love fit to take the report card. Okay?"
I just nodded. I think I need to approach my friend Riri, my friend for a year.
"Ri?"
"Hi. Fatkhur give what? "Riri was preoccupied with his soda
"I'm not giving you anything. He said tomorrow fitting report card. "I decided to sit next to him, at number 8
"What's the difference tomorrow is the same now?"
"Do not know."
We were silent for a while
"Tan, do you tell Fatkhur if you want to change school?"
I shook my head
"Why why?"
"I do not think she needs to know, Ri."
"Lo like the same he does not need to know?"
I looked at Riri and smiled.
"Lo why move me anyway? Far away. "
"Far? It's just Bandung Ri. "
"It's far. Later you can not meet Fatkhur again dong? "
"Yes it is. Nice indeed. I can lupain him. "
"So right? Lo likes Fatkhur. "

After a whole night I was busy with removing makeup and opening gifts of my friends, I had to go to school this morning with Mom to get my report card and take care of all my school move to Bandung. I saw Fatkhur was with his friend sitting on the edge of the school field. He looked at me and flashed a smile that I thought was captured and stored well by my heart. I'll keep the recording of her smile as a present she wants to give me today. I think it's a gift.
"Ma, I can meet my friend first?"
"The ice is not dear. Mom is afraid Papa has been waiting too long at home. Not papa, huh? "
"Okay, Ma." Fatkhur, sorry.
I've finished my three-year-old white in two different buildings. I can still remember how I started my white ash and went into the same building (again) with the figure I had craved since my final blue white. He is a smart man and much admired by many of my school friends first because they have faces above average. I think it's not wrong if I like it. But no, nothing more for our 5 years together. He still thinks I'm a friend he teaches often to solve math problems and I still think of him as the best smiling person.
Mama. I LOSE SNMPTN "I ran up to Mama who was engrossed in watching her favorite Indian soap opera
"Ah, congratulations." Mama hugged her eyes and looked teary
"Thank you, Ma."
"We call Papa, huh?" Mama wiped her tears and took her cell phone in the room to contact my Papuan who was on duty for 2 weeks in Aceh
"Papa, hallo Pa?" Mom opened the conversation and handed her the phone to me
"Papa, Tania escaped SNMPTN" I replied to restrain
"Masya Allah, accepted in?"
"University of Indonesia, Pa. Department of Law Science. "
"Son, thanks. Papa is very proud to have Tania. "Papa's cry sounded broken from the sabang there
"Yes, Pa, do you go home soon?"
"Yes, dear. As soon as Papa comes home and takes care of you move? "
"Yes, Pa."
I finished the phone and hugged Mama again.
"Mama must come with you move, Mama do not want you alone."
Lecture time is getting closer, since my departure from Bandung yesterday about one more week I will enter my first day of college. Today I decided to meet Riri who I had not seen for a year since I lived in Bandung.
"Riri?" I jogged when I saw Riri sitting at number 28
"Tania, I miss you very much!" Riri greets me with a hug
"I miss you too." I replied as he took off his embrace and sat down
"How Bandung? Stories dong. "Said Riri very enthusiastic to hear my story
"Not better than Jakarta. Relax, I still miss the city of Jakarta. There's no best smile. "
"Oh dear Tania."
"Lo how? Which college do you study?"
"I'm in IPB."
"Oh, yes? Well we are far away. "
"No, I'll go home every Saturday." He replied while stirring orange juice that left half a glass
"If Fatkhur how?" I replied while looking into the menu
"Fatkhur?"
"Yes. Fatkhur. Where did he go to school? "
"I do not know. I guess you know. Since you moved to Bandung Fatkhur also moved to school but I do not know where. "
I was surprised not to play. I looked from the menu to Riri's very surprised face. I also wonder why Fatkhur can think to disappear? Why did not he give word about his move? Does he want to forget me too? What for?
The task is getting piled up in my fourth semester. It's been two years since I lived my life as a student on my favorite campus. I do not know why at this moment I feel normal. Because I think being a college student is very tiring than being an office worker. Either because I have not felt or indeed because the status of this student is so difficult? The tasks make me feel the need of entertainment. I immediately grabbed my phone and found a notification via twitter.
Tania? Masi inget me not?
Who is this?
I have no idea who she is. Above the message is the message sender message, @FatkhurMuhammad. I saw his profile, his picture Naruto profile. How can I recognize it?
Well do not remember, anyway?
Nah, who is it?
My brilliant idea emerged to see the photos he had uploaded, there I saw the figure I missed until this moment. He's my best smile. How could I not think that it was him when I read his game? I think thousands of people have the name of Fatkhur and I never thought that He would come back to contact me.
Uh, okey. Now I know, how are you Fat? "
Good. Lo?
Much better after I get this message from you. (Ah not possible, okay, delete)
Good.
Where is Lecture now Tan?
UI. Lo?
UGM, Tan.
Wow, is not it far.
Yes. Tan, I may ask for your number? I want to off.
Oh okay. 0812345678900
Soon my cell phone rings signaling an incoming call and stops after a few seconds.
That's my number, Tan. Save yes!
Okay.
Continue on sms aja ya.
Ah how meaningful the messages are for the messages I'm reading right now. I have to thank the operator for being patient with the messages I send without having Fatkhur see this happy expression of my happiness. If he knew, I could be embarrassed.
This afternoon I've made an appointment with Riri. It's been a month since I have not seen Riri since my last meeting last month. I think I've got curhatan stuff this afternoon.
"So long, I've got 2 ice tea" I complained
"I'm sorry, I was really stuck here. Why not just in Jakarta anyway? Why depok? I know so much. "
"Okay not important. The important thing now is that I want to tell you that I've got news about Fatkhur. "
"HAH? SERIOUS LO? "Riri twisted her eyes framed by glasses
"Yes. And you know? The semster vacation he'll invite me to meet. "
"Fix really. It's time for you to clear all your feelings from before, okay? "
I just chuckle
Since morning I've been busy picking clothes for my use tonight. Either the prince's son I wanted to see until I was so busy like this. I think I should look beautiful tonight because I'm going to meet the best giver. I think my body has grown a few inches since 3 years ago, so I must try to look beautiful when she sees me again. In half an hour I had to be at the cafe where Fatkhur and I were making an appointment but at the moment I'm not ready at all. In fact, it took me an hour to get to the cafe.
"Hi." I say with the male figure at table number 9
"Tania?"
I nodded. He immediately got up and invited me to sit and called waiters.
"What's the message, Tan? Want to eat heavy or snack aja? "
"Whatever."
"I'm okay?"
"Yeah."
"Spaghetty Carbonara 2, Lipton Ice Tea 2." He said to the waiter who was taking notes and then went away
"Tan, i'm so happy to meet you again."
"Me too."
"How's the lecture?"
"Well, that's the same with other students. The reason why I want cepet pass. "
"Okay okay." Response with a small laugh
"Oh yes Tan, how are the children?"
"Children?"
"Yes. The children of our generation, what is the case after I leave? "
"I moved to Bandung when you also moved. I know you moved me when I met Riri in Jakarta two years ago. "
"Lo moved to Bandung?"
"Why do not you tell me if you want to move?" I decided not to answer her basic question
"Lo also why not tell me if you moved to Bandung?"
Then the waitress came bringing 2 lipton ice tea and asked me and Fatkhur to wait for the next order. Fatkhur said yes.
"Tan, I can ask something?"
"What is it?" I replied while rummaging through my lipton ice tea
"Lo bener ever liked me the same?"
"Hah? Lo know from whom? "I turn my eyes, my heart feels like to get out of touch
"Answer me." Fatkhur holds my one hand that I have left on the table, while the other is busy stirring lipton ice tea
"I do not think it should be answered if you get it from an unknown source."
"Tan, I also like you. Since a long time ago. It used to be. Since you are the same I still ride my bike together school until you wear frog clothes when grab the report card first. Even up to this moment you are in front of my eyes. "
I'm silent. Do not know what to say. What am I supposed to say?
Tan, Riri story all the same I was on the day of the report card. But he did not say you'd move. I also feel it's too late. I have to change school and I think it's time I forgot you. I'm too lousy to admit it. I think I'll forget but it's not, the more my feeling is getting more and more curious and more miss the lo figure. The longer I get more nyesel why I used to lo ngebiarin so wrote. "
I do not think the statement requires such a meaningful answer, does it?
Day after day I went through with dozens of messages and even nearly a hundred messages each day. The closer-the closer yet there is no clarity. I can mention what but this is much closer than before. In fact I mention my own name to call myself in conversation with him, paying little attention, even anger when things do not happen the way I want to. Vice versa. I feel all bland. She's not as attractive as she used to be. My heart no longer beat fast when receiving a message from him, my preparation was not for the first time me and he wanted to meet, even his smile is not as beautiful as before.
I'm in close contact with my organizational friend, maybe you might call this pe-de-ka-te. My time with him is much more thrilling than the days I've been with Fatkhur, even in the absence of clarity I feel my step is legitimate, I do not belong to anyone except God and my parents.
Dear The Best Giver First,
Why is your repetition happening again, Fatkhur? Why when I'm really close, are you moving away again? Even farther from the distance Jakarta-Bandung before. I can still miss you at that distance but not now. You're so bad. Bring my heart away and save it without you name it, what is it called? I can not call you a man if that. Please, do not blame me right now if I'm feeling in love with another man who may not be as wealthy as you. Since that confession until eight months after this, you still let my heart in you without you stamp as you are the owner. So now let me take that heart and give it to the others, who can give my heart the name that He is the owner.
9 months after I officially dated an unmarried man, you proved to me that you were not a bad man. You managed to give status to other women, maybe I can call it more lucky than me because He managed to get your status after a few phase pe-de-ka-te while I failed when my phases are much longer than that. Or can I say that I am far more fortunate than that woman that I did not have time to be crowned as a lover's ex-boyfriend?
Explain to me how this can happen. How can you like me for a very long time but you do not give me clarity whereas with just a matter of months you go through that approach, you can give the confidence of her boyfriend's coronation status. How can?
I do not know when you read this letter, either tomorrow or the day after, or even a matter of years. At least you should know that I'm still waiting for your explanation until after you finish reading it.
Thank you,
Tania