What do you say when you hear those words? Is there anything, anything at all, to soothe the pain? It is even worse when you really know how they feel because there was a moment you felt the same.
Anna is my best friend from work. Many years back she was my professor, and when I became a doctor she became my colleague, and later on one of my closest friends. I tried helping her get a job as a doctor in Dubai. In Ukraine, we used to exchange movies and series on a flash drive. We spent our breaks together. Endless hours of friendly chats and professional consultations.
Look what has that turned into...
A 20 minutes phone call over whatsapp after a whole month of silence.
The reality of Kharkiv is far worse than shown in the media. My heart sinks more and more with every message and voice note from my friends stuck there.
Anna moved to the western Ukraine for a few weeks but had to go back to Kharkiv. Yes, she escaped from a really dangerous zone to a safer zone and then back to the dangerous zone. This is a story that is becoming more and more common. Question is " why? "
Well, the simple answer is because there are thousands of Annas in Kharkiv who literally do not have anything else except what they have in Kharkiv. To escape from a war you need money, once you've escaped to a safer zone you need money, to continue living in a safe zone you need money. And if you have a family to feed then it becomes increasingly expensive.
Anna left her family in Western Ukraine and returned to Kharkiv. She goes to the half demolished hospital to consult and treat patients. All of this while Kharkiv is constantly under attack and there is little to no help coming in. Just so that she can continue cashing in her wages and feed her family in the west. She lives alone now, surrounded by unbearable sounds of explosions and a constant fear of death.
She told me she can't text me everything nor talk too much on call. She is afraid that if Kharkiv faces a situation like Kherson or Mariopol where phones were being tracked and checked by the occupants then she'd face a painful last few minutes. Imagine living like that.
I broke down when she told me that she is mentally prepared to die. She assured me that this wasn't a life. She is just a walking dead body. Mentally she has lost hope. She feels alone and depressed. Anna feels helpless. Mentally broken. Spirit destroyed.
The worst part is that there are people who are raking in donations and charity, becoming faces of humanitarian aid and filling their own pockets in the name of "aid" but have never done a single thing for any Anna out there. In Kharkiv, Kherson, Mariupol. Nowhere. But there are still being praised and their pockets are still being filled.
I have since told her about 
Anna asked me to stop sending her money every month and "Consider her dead". Man I'm so heart broken and angry.
Fuck Russia. Fuck the charity scammers.
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