Am really trying were am i getting it wrong?
Am really trying my best to do the thing i can.
The can't expect me to be perfect why do the always have to make me fell unwanted?why aren't the appreciative at all?
I just kept on asking myself that question i wonder why my parents can't be appreciative, the are always comparinge with our neighbors daughter it isnt fair, i know that am trying my best,buh the only see the places i go wrong.
Most times the ask me questions and i don't fell like answering cause the might probably use it agents me or even say its my fault the are always yelling all the time expecally mom.
Just this morning john asked me to come to a place with him,
He knows that i wasn't comfortable with it so he said his friends will come with him and he also said Cassandra(my closest friend)was coming to, that it was a group gathering as it was our first get together since we finished secondary school, i was excited and told mom about the get together after dressing to kill.
She didn't buy the idea of going out with my friends and asked me to stay back in my room or change my dress cause she thought i was showing much skin, i went bk to my room crying, there was nothing wrong with my dress or was there?(I was wearing a short skirt that was above my knees and a hanging top that was just under my breast,) It didn't look decent at all buh thats what all my friends will be wearing, so i snick out through the window.
I got there and saw most of my friends and wasn't comfortable staying cause the were all boys, John told me he was with me and that he won't let anyone harm me i believed him (ive always had a crush on him since primary school).
While i was inside with the boys the started talking about Virgins and how it was odd for any girl to be a virgin at 19 and the belief that no girl was, i couldn't let them say that as i know that being a virgin in this 21 century was possible so i told them that i was one, the were surprised and started making fun of me, i thought to myself what was wrong with being one,
The started playing a T and D game,the loser had go tack a full glass of alcohol, i told John i didn't want to participate he said i shouldn't chicken out, the others heard it and the also mocked me too saying i was a nerd, (if u can't beat them u join them) i agreed buh ended up taking alot of alcohol cause there dares were very expensive and dirty to, i cant do that i kept on saying (not for a girl like me though)i got drunk before i could know what was happening,
I managed to check my time (though i wasn't seeing clear)and asked john to take me home cause it was already 9 in the evening, he gave me an evil smile and asked if i didn't want to know what it felt like to be a woman, i really didn't understand what he meant, till he pined me to the ground and cause my clothe was short and open he had easy asses, i pushed him away with all my strength, that was when other boys held me down in my hands and legs, than John tied my eye with a torn piece of his clothes, i could only scream buh knew no one could come for my rescue, my legs was spread and i felt a sharp pain then passed out(i just know everything wasn't normal with me again something changed, everything changed)
I woke up in the morning and when i opened my eyes i felt pain under my legs and my back hurts do much, when i turned to the other side i saw my mom and dad, mom was crying and dad was looking at me in disgust with disappointment all over his face that was when i realized that i was in a hospital.
The whole house was filled with silence as we all eat in the dining like someone just died, I couldn't eat much and my parents didn't ask me any questions either, i just went back to my room and sat in my bed, i brought out my pH and saw a notification, i clicked the notify and saw the video of me being raped by John and the other boys all over the Media, that was when i realized that i was no longer a virgin, i couldn't control my tears i had to talk to my parents about it, i can't believe John did this to me, i just can't believe
I ran down stairs and was stoped by the hitted argument my mom and dad was having, dad told mom that John and other boys were just given a one day stay in prison for what the did and that the judge said there cant be any further charges cause the raped me under the influence of alcohol, mom was crying bitterly and asked what she did wrong and how she was disappointed in me, and dad kept on telling mom that she was careless and that she will be the one to be blamed if after a month they fine out am pregnant, dad said he wants a divorce and that he cant leave with a woman who can't tack care of their only child.
I stood like a stick and my legs couldn't hold me again,i feel to the floor and the only thing i could hear was just my heart beat (i alway have panic attacks) i mistakenly bumped into a chair when i was falling that was when my parents noticed i was listening to there conversation, the immediately ran towards my direction and that was the last thing i remembered.
I thought to myself "
If only i listened to my mom,
If only i understood that my moms nagging and restrictions was a protection,
If only i didn't put my trust in John,
If only i dressed decent,
If only i obeyed and didn't claim i know it all
Then i wouldn't have hurt myself and hurt the people around me, i was very disappointed in myself".
I related this tragic experience to my grandchildren who was just 14 years old as she was having a dispute with her mom (my daughter )and ran to my place for refuge, she now understand why her mom has been keeping an eye on her every step, she was crying bitterly as she hugged me and said she will apologize to her mom and that she wont run away again, i just smiled ( we all can make mistakes, we are imperfect humans buh we should always try not to make the same mistake again and also learn from other people mistakes to)
And yes i found out that i was pregnant, my dad left only me and my mom who struggled to raise me and my girl child, i didn't get married either (no one will want to marry someone like me) life thought me alot of lessons that i can't forget, indeed obedient is better than sacrifice.
All pictures are AI promoted.
