It is known in my circles as the event of the year. The annual football night out happened last Friday night. There are 2 events per year. The summer barbeque in which the WAGS are allowed to and the Christmas night out in which the WAGS are strictly forbidden from coming to. I's don't makes the rules, I tell my wife as I run out the door. For some unknown reason there is much more of an uptake on the Christmas night out than the summer barbeque. So we have a pool of around 55 lads and every Wednesday the text gets sent out. The first 22 that reply get a game of ball. The game is divided up between the bibs and the non bibs. Most of the time the teams remain the same and they are highly competitive. The quality differs however ranging from some lads who can bearly string two passes together to lads that have played professionally in England. The meetup point was at 6.30pm in a bar called Longerans. We had to be sitting down at 8pm in the restaurant where the drink and wine would flow.
As per usual the lads that arrived at exactly 6.30pm were the fathers of small children. Keen to get out before the bedtime routine. You could write the names down on a piece of paper about who would be the most punctual. I was one of them. Mad for a pint of Guinneas on a cold Friday evening. More joined in dribs and drabs as the pub began to fill up. The bar woman was cursing the arrival of 39 men into the bar at what normally is a quiet period before the night rush. We maybe should have phoned ahead so she could arrange back up. She had a sore wrist from pulling pints. I always find that the pre drinks before the meal are the nicest as you are stuffed after the meal to drink anything. So I basked in the glory of being out between 6.30pm and a nice meal awaiting me.
One of the organisers made sure we were out the door by 7:50 as last year we were given a stern warning for being 30 minutes late. So we were ferried into the back of the restaurant at two long tables. As always the bill would be divided by the amount of people there. This did not fair well for us last year having worked out at €65 per head. This year would be no different as the wine started flowing and fillets steaks were ordered. Out of 39 people at the dinner. 37 ordered the fillet steak. Mine was medium rare and I began judging people around me for getting a well done steak. I looked down my nose at these "well done" food philistines and noted in my phone that I would be talking to them less from now on. We had an Italian guy at our table who picked a wine from his home city. The price was not mentioned but we ordered 4 of them for our table. I looked down the table and a couple of lads started drinking brandy. BRANDY?!? And double ones at that. Jesus Christ I thought to myself as the owners of the restaurant looked on licking their lips. The 3 courses were given to us with precision from the restaurant which was brilliantly done.
After dessert the waitress took the coffee order. I went first. "Americano" but then the guy next to me ordered an Irish coffee. Schoolboy error from me and I swiftly rolled back on my silly error and joined the 30 people who had order Irish coffees.
I was sitting at the right hand side of the organiser at the top table. A highly sought after position that I had claimed shrewdly due to mistakes made from years gone by. I had sat beside the guy with no English last year so I had learnt my lesson. I was now an experienced campaigner and had watched the Curb Your Enthusiasm episode about being a "bad middlier" at a dinner party. The bill came.
€2986.15 / 39 People 76.56. €80 each with tip.
The drink bill alone came to €1500. More than the food had cost. The organiser had warned that we were all to bring cash with no exceptions. The text was aggressive and to the point. He was not fluting around with credit cards this year. I had foretold the scriptures and had taken out €90 from the hole in the wall as a buffer. I was one of the lucky ones. Many took out €65 because this was last years bill. They did not predict there was a heap of lads on the double brandys which were €12 each. They scrambled to get teners from others, in all I can describe as a flurry of activity. I sacrificed a tener for a close associate which I will never see again.
We then went to the pub for the after dinner drinks. There was a stewards enquiry about who was on the double brandy and why the Italian was allowed order the most expensive red wine on the menu. News came flooding in that there was one person that did not pay. There was an agreement that it was one of the guys on the double brandys because most of them could bearly walk out of the restaurant. We looked over with slanted eyes at the brandy brigade to ascertain which one of them did not pay. But it could have been any of them.
As per usual the drinks went down much slower due to the food so it was time to head home. What has been a revelation over the last two years in my home town is that we have finally got a town bus and what makes it even better is that there is a bus stop 20 meters from my home so I did an Irish goodbye and didn't tell anyone I was leaving. Stepped out of the pub , stepped onto a bus like Indiana Jones and I was home in 5 minutes. Great Success. I was up early the next morning for swimming with the kids. That was it for another year. It will be €100.00 per head in 2026.