In the end, what I feared the most still came to pass, yet again I'm losing another person I care for. Deep in my heart, it was something I wish never happened, after getting the call from my sister telling me granny is gone, I honestly had no idea how to react. I stayed mute for seconds not knowing if I should be angry, sad, or depressed or if I should just feel everything all at once.
In this battle for life, Grief has won once again, and now all I can think about for the moment or time being is the memories we once shared. I can remember when granny came to my secondary school with the aim of wanting to see her grandchildren, which included me and my younger sister. She stayed at the reception while she waited for the teacher to go ahead and call me. When I came down with no single idea of what was going on or who wanted to see me, just for me to see my grandma waiting for me at the reception with a nylon bag filled with goodies. Damn, you needed to see the moment of joy flowing through my face, it was electric, something like winning a million-dollar lottery. Well what can I say, I was only a child who was excited by the sight of his grandma coming to see him with goodies. To date, I still remember what the teacher said,
There is no love like a granny's love
And till the day I pass away, I will always remember and cherish this memory of her in my head. Many have said to me that she's in a safe place or something called heaven, but I'm not one to believe in that sort of fairy tale, but guess what, this time I just have to hope it's true. I want to keep the thought in my head that wherever she has gone, she's safe, sound, and above all happy cause that is all she deserves. I know it's going to take a while before I forgive myself for now being there in her final moments, cause I hate the fact I didn't get to tell her I love you before she left. I know the pain is eating me up inside and I am fighting hard to hide, but I can only wonder how my mom, aunties, uncle, and rest of the family are feeling right now. I hope they can find the strength to bear such a huge loss cause I haven't found mine yet.
When someone you love dies, they always say to remember them for they lived but this time I choose to change the dynamics, I will always remember her for she was there when I cried, she was there when I was hungry and needed food, she was there when I needed a place to sleep, she was there when I needed money of mine that mummy won't take from me, and she will still be there even if she's gone. I have chosen to cherish the memories I have of her but I know the grief of losing her will forever remain buried in my soul.
LOVE YOU ALWAYS GRANNY
