Before the advent of social media, we heard aggrieved people tell their offenders to go from person to person and withdraw whatever malicious statement they might have made against their character. This is usually regarded as a genuine and sincere form of apology, which is often a condition for reconciliation.
Now, with the rise of social media, we have people jumping on a camera and issuing public apologies. Sometimes they even roll in a little tears to stir emotions and evoke empathy. Personally, I find such publicity ridiculous, and unless it was a public show of ridicule, apologies ought to be made privately.
I remember an experience that my mom shared with my siblings and me. It's an experience of her early years when she was much younger before she met my father.
According to my mother, she had lived in a public compound where she shared a kitchen with her neighbours. While the rule was to take the cooked food inside one's room, my mom felt entitled to her space. Thus, not expecting any encroachment from those she shared the kitchen with, she'll cook and just leave it in her mini cupboard.
Soon, she started noticing that her food was tampered with as it was always reducing in quantity. At first, she raised no alarm but the food thief got bold. It was salary week and my mom was yet to receive her wages for the month. Her foodstuffs were almost exhausted, and she was barely surviving. Before leaving for work that morning, she had made rice in small quantities, hoping to have it as dinner. But on getting back, she met an empty pot and this greatly angered her.
In a fit of rage, my mother ran out of the kitchen to the open space in the compound connecting all the rooms and started yelling, calling out whoever was heartless enough to consume the little food she had left. As my mom yelled in between tears, her neighbours didn't mind her. While some went about their evening, others found her entertaining and stood to watch. But in the least of expectations, a lady who lives next door to my mom jumped out of her room and commanded my mom to shut up.
My mom was taken aback and was too overwhelmed to give her a befitting response. She just stood at the spot and cried. While she cried, the woman did not relent in her hostility as she kept saying hurtful words to my mom. She tagged my mom as a nuisance and a liar, claiming no one ate her food, and my mom was just desperate for attention.
After the ordeal, my mom did well to avoid her and went about her life. If ever they come in contact with one another, my mom would act like she doesn't exist and just pass by. Little did my mom know that her actions threatened the woman.
One day, my mom had just returned from work, she had since learned to be putting her food inside her room. While she prepared to take it to the kitchen to heat it up, the lady let herself in and my mother's anger grew. Before my mother could yell, the lady immediately knelt down and started begging my mother to forgive her. While my mother felt she was apologising for attacking her in her lowest moment, she wasn't prepared for what followed next.
As my mother stared at her contemplating if to forgive her or not, the lady confessed to being the culprit. The food thief who was always eating my mother's food and the same person who emptied her pot of rice.
When I asked my mother how she handled the whole discovery, she said she was too stunned to react.
After the lady cried and begged like her life dependent on it, my mother asked her a simple question, which was: would she go from door to door to inform the rest of their neighbours of her actions?
While you might think that she was probably sorry enough to issue a public apology to my mom, she declined, pleading for the past to remain in the past, and my mom walked her out of her room and did well to avoid her going forward.
One of the things that I have come to realise with apologies, especially in my part of the world, is that it has become one of the most common exercises and this is due to how insensitive people have become.
Again, during the course of studying human behaviour, I observed that people's actions are usually driven by intent and not ignorance. Hence, it is for this reason that before an apology will be considered by me, the offender has to be ready to take full responsibility to right their wrong.