It's been my life long dream to be part of the political happenings in my country because I believe that I have all it takes to make a difference. Another thing that I have also dreamt of doing is furthering my education. Sadly, given the family burden hanging on my neck, I do not have the mental capacity to make these dreams a reality at the moment.
Last year, I went hard at the expense of my health and when I do not achieve what I ought to, I beat up myself so hard that it messes up my mood. At a point, I was no longer the vibrant and colourful girl that people knew. Despite being distant, my aunts noticed something was amiss and they won't stop scolding me for how I appeared.
But before my aunts, it's my mom constantly reminding me of putting myself first and taking things easy. Her major concern was that she did not want her sisters to start asking questions. I got so engrossed in channeling my time into other productive ventures trying and to be there for everyone that I neglected myself.
At one point, I felt beauty was a waste of time. I would wear my hair for longer periods and not take them out even when they appear really old and unkempt. I would go out with my face plain and not put on any makeup at all irrespective of the event at stake.
At that particular time of my life that I felt beauty was a waste of my time or probably something not worth spending on, I became a shadow of who I was and everyone became concerned. My friends abroad were reaching out to me because I mean, I used to be the vibrant girl who wore pretty makeup, hair do and loved to dress up.
So what went wrong? When my friends texted to inform me on how a member of their family saw me on different occasions and told them I wasn't looking good, they became concerned and felt they should talk to me about it. I carefully explained to my friends the Messiah situation that I found myself in and they all felt bad having to judge me without first knowing what I was going through. After the conversation, some of them sent some funds for financial assistance and even apologized. They complimented me for being strong and I felt that.
I was drowning and I was screaming inside of me but I bottled all of it up because I didn't want anything to slow me down. I became a loner and that solidified the Shadow of myself that I metamorphosed into.
During the last days of 2024, I had it with the neglect and I needed a different and more exciting experience for me in the coming year. I started doing things differently from before and paid more attention to me. I created time for self care and other activities that I had neglected in the past because I felt they weren't valuable enough to be worth my time. The difference? An easier life, I don't see myself struggling so much like before to get on. My time is effectively managed and all my activities are syncing, going in line according to level of importance. Maybe, just maybe I could make those dreams of mine a reality sooner than expected.
Above is my response to the ladies of hive prompt for the week.
1️⃣ Think a little bit about your life, about how you have lived the year that is ending. Do you identify any aspects that have been left behind? Are you still dreaming of something you haven't achieved? 𝐀𝐍𝐃 / 𝐎𝐑 ~2️⃣ If you think that this year it's time to embrace those small changes that can make a big difference
