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When I started my Master's degree, I was fortunate to be roommates with Anita, a girl from my undergraduate days. She wasn't really my friend, neither were we cordial. I got to know about her through my roommates, who would always gossip about her off and on relationship.
Her boyfriend Vincent was getting down with any lady on campus who fall for his charms, and her friends were not left out. Even my then best friend was among the girls he got down with, while his relationship with Anita was off.
Vincent was a douchebag, but somehow he managed to get on with any lady be pleases.
Fast-forward when I had just got in for my masters and came to process my accommodation, I met Anita in the hostel, and surprisingly, she recognized me.
We hugged and exchanged pleasantries, then she asked what my business at the hostel was, and I told her I came to sort out my accommodation.
Long story short, she spoke with the hall chairman and I became her roommate.
She's a sweet girl, a giver and a lovable person. With time, we started catching up on our personal lives, and then I got to know she was still with Vincent.
One evening, I had just gotten off a WhatsApp video call with my then partner. Anita was on her bed and after the call, she said to me, “Seems your boyfriend is outside the country”.
“Yes,” I responded, smiling like a naive little girl.
She continued: “And you guys are always on the phone talking, does he not work?”
I smiled and then responded: “He leaves the house at 8 am and returns at least 12 am the following day. He works round the clock, but that doesn't stop him from reaching out to me daily.”
“How often does he come into the country and do you guys see all the time he's around?” She asked inquisitively.
“Well I can't say really, probably almost every month, but he's always around and whenever he's coming, I'm either picking him up at the airport or going to wait for him at his residence.” I responded thinking that's the last of it, but she continued, repeating the question differently.
“So you guys must always see whenever he's coming to Nigeria?”
Yes, of course, I mean I am his partner for a reason." By now I was already getting tired of the question and answer section, and it seemed she got the memo from the tone of my voice.
She took a deep breath and then exhaled loudly. Her face suddenly became gloomy, and I knew all wasn't well, so I pried
“What's wrong?”
“Oh well, it's just your boyfriend who lives continents away and has a tight schedule still has time to sustain the communication process of your relationship. You guys get to even often see, but mine in the same country with me has not made effort for us to see since last year.”
“Eh?” I responded in disbelief as it seems maybe my hearing is failing.
I continued: “You mean you have not seen your man since last year, and we are in May? Last year when if I may ask.”
“Last year March,” she responded sounding very down and embarrassed
“Wait, what?” I shouted, then continued again.
“You mean you have not seen your man in over a year? And you guys are supposed to be in a relationship? Wow! Some of you Ladies are really trying with your idea of relationship because it can never be me.”
By this time, she felt worse, and I noticed that my utterances wasn't helping matters. So I decided to not add fuel to the fire and be more compassionate and understanding towards her plight.
I asked her about Vincent's location, and she said Lagos, that's like 10 hours drive from Port Harcourt. I further asked her what effort has she made to go see him, since obviously, he would rather not be with her, but he's wearing the boyfriend tag. She responded that she has tried, but he would always say he is not chanced.
I wasn't having her excuses, so I asked her to call her man that instant and inform him she's coming over next weekend. She was reluctant to make the call and kept bringing up silly excuses with school.
But I reminded her that lecture ends on Thursdays, she could travel Thursday afternoon and then return Sunday just in time for lectures on Monday. After much persuasion, she opted to text him instead.
Vincent was swift to respond that he doesn't have money for her transport or to host her. She was discouraged and said, "Ese let's leave it, it's fine.”
But it wasn't fine, and she was even close to tears, so I pushed because I had my reasons.
“Tell him you will pay for your transport and will eat whatever he can provide, he will not say that he sleeps on an empty stomach, even if its garri, my dear you will soak it in water and eat it with salt, but you must go to that Lagos to see him” I said to her.
She obeyed and in the end, the boyfriend succumbed and agreed for her to visit.
Thursday came and she was off to Lagos. She texted me by evening and said she's in his house. Remember, I had earlier said I had a reason for pushing her to go visit.
I started with my interrogation and asked her how everything was going and how is the setting so far. She said Vincent told her he closed early because of her. Otherwise he would still be working.
Then late at night, she texted me again that Vincent has been on his phone all evening and barely says a word to her.
This is the same person that barely responds to her messages or return her calls because he claimed to be too busy for phone.
In anger, Anita resolved that first thing in Friday morning she's leaving, but I revolted and told her that wasn't the arrangement, she is staying until Sunday.
“Ese I'm tired, I would rather not be where I am not wanted,” she responded in a teary voice.
I wanted her to feel enough pain and see the boyfriend for who he truly is, that way the decision to leave will come naturally. So I pressed further and managed to convince her to stay.
The following day, Vincent got back from work normal closing time and continued with his phone. It was then that Anita discovered that he hasn't changed his way like he made her believe.
What finally broke the Camel's back was Saturday. She had texted me that she's done with Vincent for good and would be coming back on Sunday as planned.
When I inquired what happened, she narrated to me how she woke up to Vincent laughing and gisting so loudly with someone over the phone. She went and sat by his side for closure, but he stood up and walked into the room.
She followed behind and wanted to speak with him about going to see a movie, but he practically ignored her and went ahead to be making plans with the person over the phone, obviously a lady.
According to Anita, the person had wanted to come over for the weekend, but he told her that he has an unwanted guest, so they should do her place, and he would see her in the evening.
I was pissed and then asked, “Wait! He said all this in your presence?” she said yes and broke down in tears that she has never been so humiliated in her life.
Vincent did leave her to go be with the other lady and that was the turning point for her.
