When we gain something good out of an unpleasant situation.
For example, a person who is easily insulted and certainly feels very unpleasant , but against the unpleasantness is the secondary gain - the attention and empathy he receives from the environment afterwards.
Sometimes the secondary gain exists only at the subconscious level, we are not aware of its existence - the pattern or the (negative) situation continues and we have no idea why we react the way we do, or feel the way we do.
So what can we do about it?
Take a piece of paper and a pen, write down what you would like to change in your life, in doing that try to identify the secondary gains (conscious and subconscious), what need do they fill in in your life, try to look for healthier ways to fill that same need.
Seems impossible?
Pick someone who knows you well and for a long period of time, a person you consider your true friend and ask them to help you look for your secondary gains and patterns. Write it all down and read it when you're done. Then put it away somewhere safe.
Read it again after a week or so.
Now think: Did anything change over the week? Were you more aware of your patterns?
Sometime bringing awareness to a harmful pattern helps you stop in the situation and actually change the way you feel for the better!
You can also turn to a PSYCH-K facilitator or someone who does NLP to change the limiting beliefs regarding these patterns.
Hope you enjoy the photos.
Have a wonderful peaceful weekend
<3
