All my life I have been searching for something that will fill me with pride. Makes me feel superior to anyone. Death is remembered and leaves memories. Because what I'm looking for, what I get and what I do is only for inner satisfaction, no longer exists only for inner satisfaction.
When I look inside myself, my life is full of failures, love stories that always end in misfortune, friendships that are increasingly foreign because of different interests and ideologies, and achievements, when compared to my predecessors, my achievements are nothing and significant.
When I was in elementary school, whenever I saw philosophers, mathematicians, physicists, sociologists and other figures from the West or the East whose faces were displayed in student worksheets, I always fantasized and thought in my heart "I want to be like them." , is remembered in history books and literature books, his name never dies, his body dies as a champion who is remembered.”
In 2002, at the age of 7, I was enrolled in Cigintung II Singajaya State Elementary School. As a student, I am not a smart student, my pocket money is also the smallest, only 300 rupiah. As I said, as a student, I was not a smart student, my daily test scores, weekly test scores were all red, my highest test score at that time was 6. When other friends got 10 points, they were all happy and they clapped for each other. While I'm always behind.
Especially when it's math, those numbers always make me nervous, anxious. They seemed to be dancing in my head and making me dizzy, not infrequently I ended up crying and getting ridiculed. I still remember the person who used to make fun of me by saying "stupid, stupid, stupid" his name was Joni. From grade 1 to grade 6, my feelings were still the same, a school that was said to be a place for learning while playing for me was a frightening specter. Instead I prefer to play in the fields, gardens and rivers.
When I was in grade 4, I started to have a feeling that was so foreign, it started with a feeling of admiration for a female senior, her name was Nana. From that admiration, a feeling arose in my chest, since the first time I saw and got to know him, I had a strange feeling that later I found out that this was falling in love. I am happy every time I see him my heart flutters when I accidentally look at him and I miss him when I happen to have a long holiday at school. As if, back then, she was to me the most beautiful woman I could ever find.
With this feeling I sometimes confide in my friends, especially my second sister, about my feelings for her. Usually they ask "why did you fall in love with him?..." I couldn't answer because I didn't know why I could fall in love with him, what I knew was I was in love with him, full stop. Unlike now, we could have fallen in love because of his appearance, or wealth or because of his position.
Do you agree that love needs a reason, friends?
