Is homeschooling worth it?
Is it right for me?
Will people judge me?
These are all questions you might be asking yourself as you ruminate on the possibilities of taking charge of your kids' education. It is an important question and needs to be tended to with caution and care.
You actually need to ask yourself far more questions than this until you come to the proper conclusion, but for me, the most important question was, what's best for my kids and family as a whole?
Seven years ago, I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis and have struggled since, keeping it at bay and under control. My relapses are triggered by stress, sickness, heat and just simply being alive. I was advised against having any children at all, but I knew what I wanted and that I wouldn't be happy without them. I went on to have 3 kids, and they have been the biggest blessing in my life.
I started out being in full support of public school.
Shocking right? Well, I was a product of public schools, as were my 3 siblings, who coincidentally went on to become educators themselves and all marry educators as well. Even I was married to a music teacher for a few years, until he was strangled by the grasp of public school education and abruptly quit mid-year to pursue a different career path. Two of my siblings have Master's Degrees and the other was just named Texas Teacher of the Year. It seems that education runs deep in the blood of our family, so why didn't I become a school teacher? Why did I keep my kids home when I had always been in full support of our educational system?
Our school systems are set up to support working parents, no matter the cost.
I was working full time prior to having children, but then gave up my job, and started a work-from-home job in order to be able to stay at home. When I went to enroll my daughter for kindergarten, I expected there would be an option for either a morning slot or afternoon slot. That is all they expected of children when I was in school. Kids either went to school from 9-12 or 12-3. They were only in class for 3 hours a day, and those three hours were FUN. We played, and drew, and were able to pretend, and I had the most engaging kindergarten teacher with whom I still keep in touch. The sole purpose of kindergarten was to be introduced to other children, and learn how to sit still for short spurts of time, and to play nicely with others etc. I was shocked then, to learn that the only time space available was from 730-230 daily. Seven hours. That is insane for a newly turned 5-year-old. I suppose it is less of a shock for kids who are already in a structured "preschool" environment (a topic in which I could reserve an entirely new blog post for) but it is too shocking a change for a child who is just being newly introduced into school. For that matter, it wasn't until 3rd or 4th grade that I even began staying an entire day for school. Kindergarten was a half day, and first and second, for sure, let out at 1:35. (I distinctly remember my mother's disdain for all of us going in and getting out at different times, which is so unbelievably #relatable now that I am a mother of school-age children.) That all being said, I know my children, and I knew my daughter was not ready to sit in a classroom for seven hours. It wasn't because she was ill-behaved, or that she couldn't inevitably have it beaten into her to adjust, but that I wanted her to have a similar experience to mine. I didn't want her to have to sit in a classroom just because that is what's convenient for most people. It didn't seem fair. I wanted her to be "in class" for 3 hours and have the rest of the day to play, grow and explore. So, that is what we chose. (I say "we" because my husband was quite opposed, but allowed it because technically kindergarten is not even a required grade in Arizona.)
After kindergarten the war began.
My daughter did swimmingly well in our little at-home kindergarten. More importantly though, she forged relationships with her two younger siblings that she would not have, had she been gone most of the day every day. I believe this has been a key component in our family dynamic, and why our kids are so close. I worked my daughter through phonics, writing and reading as well as basic kindergarten math. She also received voice lessons from me, she began typing class, and she learned much about my trade (repairing, building furniture). It was a wonderful experience that would be short-lived.
My husband was born in England and traveled all over Europe with his family. His father was a famous organist and it required them to move frequently. His viewpoint on education is largely explained by his international travel and his "worldviews" as he puts it. He strongly believes that kids belong in public schools because that is what is natural and normal. I fought tooth and nail to keep my daughter home, but I gave in and said that I would test out 1st grade.
Mind you, my point of view was coming from those that were in the educational circuit. Having family and friends that are all educators made it easy to build a case against the current state of public education, especially in Arizona. We are obsessed with testing, and we have a whole slew of problems plaguing our schools. The largest of these, of course, is lack of funding. Perhaps you remember that wave of teacher protests last year.
The world nearly stood still here, as teachers walked out of their jobs and parents had no one to babysit their children. (I say this not to infer that teachers are merely babysitters, but that the AZ Republic quoted parents saying it was a huge inconvenience to have to find babysitting.) It certainly seemed to strike a chord with parents, and they were either pissed, because they had to miss work, or they were humbled by the fact that they had taken something for granted for so long. Public education has been and always will be a privilege, that most just use in order to get done what they need to in life. These couple of weeks made people really have to focus on why schools are really there, and how important the people in the schools really are.
Though, not much changed a year later.
Back to the topic at hand. During my daughter's year of public school, every single day she would come home talking about a boy in class that was always misbehaving. This boy had spit on her and teased her, and it was obvious that he "liked" her, but it was a distracting learning environment, and the boy was never made to move classes or even seats. Quite often, my daughter would be seated by him because she was one of the few more calm students in the class and it helped stabilize his behavior. Her teacher told me as much. And ya know, as much as I love to hear that my daughter is being used as a pawn in order to keep other student's behavior in line, she deserved better, and the truth came out about her progress after that year had gone by.
It occurred to me that I hadn't seen much math homework come home. I figured this was just because they were doing a lot of it in class. My daughter was excelling at reading, (because she came into first grade already proficient) but I had no idea where her standing was in math. We received her standardized test results, and they were below average, but we weren't given the specifics of what content she was failing and which she was excelling at. (They literally sent my husband home with a deck of cards and a laminated piece of paper and a flashlight. I can all but assume the deck of cards was for counting, or adding, or subtracting, or who the hell knows? And what on Earth was the flashlight for? The world may never know.)
All of that being said, when I got my hands on a properly guidelined Common Core math test, my daughter was not proficient in any 1st grade area of math. She spent an entire year in a classroom of seven hour days and came out none the richer in math, and stalled out in English.
The hubs and I still could not come to an agreement about her staying home for 2nd grade, so I was preparing myself to enroll her again, until we got an email from the school with her classroom assignment. Not only had she been placed in the same class as that douchebag kid she had to deal with the whole past year, but because of so many teacher losses, they had planned to combine the 2nd and 3rd grade classes.
I would not stand for that, not for a moment. There were other school options, out of district and further away, but we couldn't afford to live in those areas, and the waiting lists were done by lottery (AKA who you know). I didn't want my daughter to fall further behind, so I made it my mission to take on her education and make sure that she would catch up. Hubs and I were still at a gridlock. I couldn't get through and I didn't know what to do, because all I could think about was how such a bright, talented, amazing individual would be squashed into the ground by the current predicament in her school.
For the first time in ages, I just left it up to God. I am not a hugely religious person. I used to be, but have since wandered quite far away from it. I felt helpless, like I was in control of nothing, and I let it all go, and when I did, I realized something. There was a reason for me to teach my kids even beyond all the public school drama. I'm a ticking time bomb. Every relapse I have brings me closer to a wheel chair and brain damage. I am sharp right now. I can do something for the kids right now. I can be there for them mentally and physically, and education is something I wanted to give them before I just simply can't. I explained this to my husband and we finally connected on this issue for the first time. He agreed to let me home school so long that it wouldn't be indefinite, and I agreed.
We are now at the end of my daughter's 2nd grade year, and she is thriving.
She is excelling at 1/3 of the 2nd grade math concepts, meeting about 1/3 of them and we still have about 1/3 to go. At the beginning of this year, she was testing at a kindergarten level math. So in that short time, she learned 1st grade math, and a big chunk of 2nd grade. I have no doubt that working through this summer a bit, will catch her up and be ready to start 3rd grade math. She has blown through hundreds of spelling words, and we are already starting on 5th grade spelling, with a near jr. high level reading proficiency and understanding. It may be me just tooting my own horn, but I don't think she could have made this kind of progress in public school, and I feel very confident in the decision to keep her home.
What do other people think?
Some tough love advice here: You are a grown ass person and you shouldn't care what other people think, especially when it comes to your kids. But, just for the sake of satiating curiosity, I've been pleasantly surprised by most of the responses I get from people when I tell them that I home school. Most parents respond with "man that's so cool, I wish I could do that". Very few people have been judgmental. Even my sister and mother in law, who are both educators, have supported me on this journey, as they can see how the public school system is kind of unraveling at breakneck speed. I would say the people who are the rudest are the ones who don't even have kids themselves, and to be honest, my husband even still gives me grief now and then, cracking jokes or what not. I just brush it off though because I know I am doing the best I possibly can for my kids.
This is a tumultuous time. If it weren't argument enough with bullying so bad it's causing suicide in tweens, and a new school shooting nearly daily, the lack of drive from our government to fix a broken school system should be enough to motivate a parent to at least consider schooling at home.
It isn't the "hillbilly home school" that my husband claimed it would be. It's a devoted mother who pours hours of time into scouring the web for content that is suitable for her children. I hate Common Core, but I still make sure that my kids are following it closely enough. I don't want them to be outcasts, or struggle later when we reintroduce them into school.
Plus, who wouldn't want to see these chubby little digits writing their name? Or be the one to see their child read a word for the first time?
All in all, if you are struggling to make an education decision for your children, just know you're not alone. The state of the public school system has never been more shaky, and the amount of people pulling their kids is increasing every year. Home school is no longer just a choice for religious zealots or those who have very ill children. It is a great opportunity to grow with your child, with boundless amounts of resources.
Throughout this blog I will be posting lots of DIY projects in regard to my business, but I will also be updating with my home school adventures, sharing both ideas and activities that really seem to work.
Lastly, just breathe. What you decide for your kids in kindergarten likely won't have any effect on them later on. I consider myself to have received a proper, perhaps above-average education from public school, and now my kids are getting a fantastic education (if I do say so myself) from their parent teachers. No matter what path you choose, your child will no doubt thrive!
xx - Lady Steem
