Eternals is one of the most expensive crappy movies I've ever watched in my life. Don't get me wrong, Marvel movies are usually all flash and no substance but this one seemed to tip the crap scale in many respects.
There so much I want to say about the movie but at the same time, I really kind of don't want to.
The movie that was available on Disney Plus streaming service had a total budget of about $200M according to a simple google search.
The movie featured a stellar cast that includes Angelina Jolie.
The movie is based in some characters in the Marvel universe. The "present day" is setup in the post Thanos universe wipe out that took out half of the universe. They even talked about it a couple of times during the movie.
The Eternals is a bunch of nerdy wimps that don't die or age easily. As far as I can tell, they can only be killed by deviants.
Deviants are weird looking animal thingies that were sent by a celestial to earth. The Eternals only exist to kill deviants and don't meddle in the activities of man.
Each member of the Eternals crew has a slexific ability that they use in battle. Despite being on assignment for thousands of years, they have their own wills and make decisions for themselves.
I had high hopes for the movie but it turned out to be yet another Marvel Mastercrap. They had a bunch of explosions and shit but nothing really worth focusing on.
The movie had the usual humour that marvel movies tend to have. Sadly, the storyline and cast as well didn't correlate.
First of all, why the hell are beings that are thousands of years old being so interested in trivial human shit? It doesn't even make any sense.
I can't wrap my head around why a whole eternal that is like 7 thousand years old would be so bothered about the fact that she looks like a kid and can't get laid? Like dude, you're older than literally everybody alive, is that your biggest problem?
Then what is up with the Homelander Regen that was just badder than everybody else? Also, why is it that the eternals spent so many years on earth but can't actually fight?
There was also the scene that Sprite got knocked out by one of those volcanic rocks, what the actual fuck? Are they even superheroes or just a horny bunch of non dying jumpsuit wearers?
Generally speaking, I'm made of questions and at the end of the movie, I could help but wonder why the movie was made in the first place.
In the sequel, we ready know John Snow will be either the villain or one of the good guys with the sword.
This movie was ass and I don't think the sequel will be any better but time will tell. I give it a 3/10 for quality and estimate that it is only slightly better than watching paint dry.
