There are moments in life that change it forever. I think I just had one the other week, and it was confirmed today. As I had written in another post, my daughter is currently living with me, and her mother had mentioned that she could keep living with me if she wanted to. That phrase was quite a trigger, as explained in the post.
Since I had written it, I had decided to keep on doing what I’m doing. Being the same parent as always, doing what I think is right, what I think is best for her, teaching what I think will be most useful to her in all spheres. No extra spoiling, no cutting more slack than usual, but walking the line as I always have. A bit more risky, maybe, but ,fingers crossed, the best way, my way, the coherent way.
Now, the other day we were walking to school. I’m very happy with that school and Lily is, too. She was telling me what they were going to do that day and how much she liked that school. So, apparently calm, cool and collected, I casually asked: “Would you like to go to the same school next year?” Heartbeat rising, sweat breaking, seconds as eternity. It wasn’t even seconds. Lily really was calm, cool and collected and said: “Yes.”
That feeling. That huge stone falling off. That immense relief. It was beautiful. Better than any drug. More expensive, though 😅
Today, I talked with her mom. Usually, those talks are very complicated, I have to keep my cool and I’m quite anxious before them. Today it was only the anxiety. After 15 minutes, we were done. Lily will go on a long summer vacation with her mom, travelling South America, I’ll do the permit for that (in Ecuador it’s required to authorize the other parent for it). Then she’ll come back to live with me again, go to school, and her mom will visit as often as she can. For Christmas, her mom will give us the authorization to fly to Germany to spend a first and probably last Christmas together with all my close family.
There’s always the possibility of the mom changing her mind, and will always be. And laws here are so pro-mother that she just can do what she wants – but Lily is 6 years old now, almost 7, and oh boy does she know what she wants and how to fight for it. The older she gets, the safer it becomes.
Now I can plan. I can prepare myself for what’s coming. Review my budgets – time, energy, money – and prioritize the according expenses. Being able to plan is having some control. And it feels good to finally have some control again. I had arranged myself with being powerless in many ways, and it was okay, but it still feels better like this.
No conclusion today. No questions. Just me being so happy and wanting to share that. It's just a freaking awesome day. And yes, AZ, if you're reading this, I know, "keep it to one post a day" - but this is extraordinary, I hope you forgive me 😝
