Having pets can be quite a lovely experience but ”what if” your pets could talk, I mean converse with themselves and the topic of their discussion is you.....their owner.
This was what I was thinking when I saw my pet dog and my neighbour's pet cat sitting face to face on the floor by the side of my sitting room door. They looked cozy, like they were having a real conversation about something or someone. I even tried called on my pet but he gave me that weird side eye look that says ”Do not disturb me. Can't you see that I'm busy”.
Feeling more curious, I pretended to feel dizzy and fall asleep on my couch. This was an old trick in the book but I was betting on it working for me. So I yawned and stretched my limbs, a clear indication of sleep mode activated. I could spy with one eye, my pet looking at me. I'm sure he was smiling in Yoruba, seeing as I would soon fall asleep.
Finally I laid down on my couch and napped my fake nap. That was when I heard the most unrealistic thing ever. Those two bloody pets were actually talking. The cat said ”Oh finally she's asleep. Now I can talk with my real voice”.
”Just leave her be and let's gist because if she wakes up now, there will be no peace in this house” Larry, my pet dog, replied.
I nearly messed up my own trick by gasping out of shock after hearing them talk like humans but luckily, I was able to gain control of my emotions. I remained calm and continued my ”act” of sleeping to hear more of what they would say.
”Larry, why did you say that? As far as I can see, your madam is nice, gentle and very beautiful. She even knows how to pray and sing. Guy you suppose to be her back up singer like this because you are under a pro”.
”Chai, if not that you are my guy, I would have walked you out. Don't say this thing outside abeg. You only know my madam from outside. I'm the one facing the heat of the fire” Larry said to Pero, my neighbour's cat.
”Really? What fire are you talking about?” Pero asked.
Larry sighed deeply before replying. Where I was lying down, I couldn't help but wonder if I was such a dreadful monster that made my pet talk that way. To fund out what was in his heart, I continued with my act.
”Pero, is it not your owner that goes to work and comes back with grilled chicken everyday? You eat chicken barbecue bone daily but me, I fast on a daily basis”.
”She could wake up one morning and declare fasting with prayers for three days stretch. During those times, I only get to eat once and she would not allow me to go out where I can search for my food. She would keep me locked indoors with her praying and binding devils”.
He sighed again….
”If only we could switch owners, I would very gladly switch my owner for someone else” Larry explained.
”Oh come on Larry. I know that you don't mean that. I also fast and pray with my master whenever he is on one of his religious programs. You need to bear with your owner” Pero persuaded Larry but he only shook his head and said ”This is easy for you to say because you enjoy barbecue bone. My owner does not buy all those things as she is always locked up in the house after work. She doesn't partake in any fun activities at all. Her face is either on her phone or in a book. She would read and be laughing alone”.
”She is too much of a home-buddy. Do you know that every morning,She would play gospel songs from 5:30am to 7:30am. She doesn't play Davido's songs or secular songs. Her pattern is boring and I'm fed up”. Larry finally confessed.
”You will just learn to adapt to her pattern and routines Larry. No need for all this negative talk. She is an indoor person, get used to it and enjoy living with an owner who gives you peace of mind” Pero replied to him.
”Alright, if you say so” Larry said and just then, a knock was heard on my door. My neighbour came to pick his pet. I stood up and let Pero out of my place. I looked at Larry with a bombastic side eye but he would never know that I overheard all they said.
Shaking my head in laughter, I went to my room to ponder on what my ears heard. I couldn't believe that pets could talk like humans and they gossip too”.
It was an unrealistic day for me.
Thank you all for reading.
Images used are mine
