Dear Diary
Hello diary, its the 2nd of November,2023, I can't believe it's that time of the year again, that time in my life ,I wish I could erase completely from my memory. It's been 4 years now and you would think that, the dreadful event would have long evaporated from my memory but it still haunts me. I still cannot figure out what went wrong or what I did exactly for that event to happen....will I ever forget, will I ever find happiness in love? These and many more keep haunting my mind... aarrrggghhh! I wish I could flush out my brain or turn back the hands of time and stop that event from happening.
It was 4years ago today, when he walked away . He walked away without so much as a second glance at all we shared. He walked away right at the door of our supposed destiny. For a little disagreement, who would have known that I would be served such a cold breakfast.
Two years invested in learning do's and dont's, likes and dislikes, with the ultimate aim of settling together forever but that never became my reality. ***Was it wrong for me to have probed deeply into how he gets his resources or how he planned on managing the home, once it is established? *** I was thought to ask these things before walking down the aisle afterall life is not a fairytale neither is marriage a walk in the park.
Should he not have known this?
What was his intentions towards building a home or was he expecting that I would be the bread winner, such audacity!
I dread this day so much, I wish I could rip it right out of the calendar, but would doing that rip off the pain from my heart. I don't like to talk on this day, I spend it in somber recluse because I still cannot believe that this happened...we are no more, what we shared is now history.
I was on my own when he walked up to me with *"thus says the lord * on his lips, a godly smile on his face and palms outstretched to hold me forever. I thought it would be as it appeared but alas like a puff of smoke, everything disappeared into thin air before it began.
What am I to do, everyone who knew us together have gradually forgotten, all except me. The mere mention of his name drags me down memory lane... aarrrggghhh, I am so sick of this!
Why is there no permanent formatting system in the brain to format painful memories? Why should one be stuck with a memory so foul that even ***bile *** tastes better when compared.
*"Will I ever be whole? "
"Will I still believe in love and reach out for it one more time?"*.......... I want to believe in love again but how do I start a heart that has stopped beating
All images used are mine.