Compassion and clarity

For some reason feeling compassion for oneself isn't the easiest thing to do while being hard on oneself never seems difficult at all and I believe is more readily applied by most of us. I'm not sure why that is however recall many times I've been hard on myself and it feeling right at the time only to feel, at some later point, that it was wrong; and yet I have found myself doing it again.

I work towards applying compassion, feeling compassion, for myself now, a product of getting a little older and wiser possibly, but at the same time never allow the compassion I allow myself, for myself, absolve my responsibility for my actions, responsibilities and attitudes.

I have been very hard and critical of myself at times and in the moment it felt justified however I look back now and see that it was just a form of low self-esteem and possibly self-hatred, maybe not in an overall sense, but certainly in that individual moment; and over time I came to understand the negativity that brought me and the way it held my life back. I was quite fortunate to have amazing influences around me though, my parents and then my partner, who supported me and I soon came to understand that through the lack of compassion I permitted myself and the subsequent emotions I was not able to respond to my life in the right ways, balanced and with the clarity I needed, to move in the directions I deserved and wanted.

I was young when I learned that or, at least, when I started to see the way a lack of self-compassion was affecting my life negatively, holding me back, and I am so grateful that I was able to see and rectify it which has led me to live what I feel has been an enjoyable, balanced and happy life....and there's still much more to go.