6:25 AM, Amherst
I’m sitting in my friend’s apartment. There’s 5 of us pulling an all-nighter, sitting on the concave suede couch. Empty bottles of Rubinof and beer litter the apartment.
He is playing with a Rubik’s cube.
I watch him quickly twist and flick the rows.
Less than 56 seconds.
He solves it.
He looks up to me. Smiles.
Why can’t I just tell him how I feel?
Our eyes meet.
“How are you hanging out with us, you’re sober,” he asks.
“We’re graduating in a few months. I want to hang out with you guys and spend as much time with you as possible…”
Really Bea. Spend as much time with you as possible?
“And let’s face it after graduation we probably won’t see each other until one of us gets married,” I continued.
“Don’t say the G word,” he says seriously.
He took my cup of water and took a sip. He kisses my forehead.
“ I don’t want to get married. I saw what it did to my dad. He says it’s a waste of time and money.”
“Neither do I,” I quickly agreed.
“Want to be partners,” He asks.
“No.”
“Well, that was a fast response.”
“I didn't mean it like…”