As far back as I can remember I always wanted to change my personality. What I wouldn’t give to be an extrovert. So natural, enthusiastic, confident and energized in front of people and social situations and interactions – not having a care in the world of what people think and how they perceive you…
It was such an overwhelming feeling especially in primary school. I was so uncomfortable in my own skin, constantly measuring myself against others.
I avoid meeting new people. Being everyone’s Facebook friend is superficial to me. I stick to deep close and intimate relationships and I choose my friends with utmost care. I HATE chit-chats, it’s senseless and tedious!
And for so many years I have misconstrued it as a personality flaw - to such a degree that in high school and years thereafter I have tried to change my personality altogether. Becoming someone else, denying my true and most inner thoughts, beliefs and feelings about so many things.
The danger of that, I’ve come to realize, is that you fail to remember who you truly are - who God created you to be. Your uniqueness is suppressed; you are a mould, a copy of someone else. You become shallow and empty inside with so many insecurities. You forget the simplest things, like what your favorite color is, your likes and dislikes.
One of the characteristics of being an introvert is introspection…to dig deeper than the surface. Thinking about my life and understanding myself became important to me and instead of pushing those thoughts aside like I’ve become accustomed to, learning more about me, getting to know ME became my driving force, my goal!
When I was pregnant I have read an article on this and according to psychologists, we have five major personality traits. They are: introversion/extroversion (like we already know), then we have openness, conscientiousness, extraversion, agreeableness and neuroticism. And if I understand is correct, you can be more than one – even more than two!!
My husband is an ambivert:
a person having characteristics of both extrovert and introvert
Source
We actually complement each other in so many ways. I show him how to internalize and acknowledge thoughts, feelings and moods and in turn he exposes me to social interactions - stretching each other to prevent us from being smothered and paralyzed by a comfort zone and our own fears. We can become so guarded and closed-minded so easily so we need friends and family to challenge us to learn how to play to our strengths, becoming the best YOU irrespective the personality trait. We respect and appreciate each other’s differences, foundations were laid and boundaries established very early in our marriage. He knows that as much as he gains energy from social interactions, I expend energy in those situations. So we give each other time to ‘recharge’ in our own little ways.
With age, marriage and kids of my own, my perception on many things is very different to what it used to be. There is nothing worse than being unhappy or discontent in who you are - to feel let down by yourself. To teach my children to always be themselves is crucial to me. To be content, not only in the moment but to feel satisfied with yourself and your life.
I want them to know the more you build self-love the more you have to give to others.
