Although Our Little Family Is Feeling Better ..
Or rather learning how to cope with the loss of our baby boy, I have put off a few posts that were going to include him. I wasn't ready to start blogging about his "last" this and that. His death is still very fresh and very vivid in my memory. Last night, I put my mind to it and put this post together, before too much time passes and it doesn't mean as much to me. Maybe the timing is right. Maybe it will be therapeutic in nature. Yes.. I believe it will.
Pepper's Last Road Trip ..
We didn't know that it was going to be his last trip. Heck, we thought he was going to live forever or at least hoped that would be the case. So when we headed out on the trip to my parents home in Delaware, 10 days would pass upon our return and Pepper would no longer be with us. It's strange to think of it in that light and how precious that trip became to him and to us, now that I am reflecting on it tonight.
I had a passing feeling of guilt, for not taking more trips with him (something he most certainly enjoyed), but quickly realized that the thoughts were irrational and not helpful. We did take him everywhere we possibly could, even if that was limited to just a Saturday morning errand or Dunkin run.
I didn't want to make this post about my potential shortfalls or self doubt, so I am moving on and past that. Lets get to the meat of the trip, regardless of how exciting or not exciting it was.
We've taken this trip a hundred times, or so it feels. We would head out after packing our bags and loading in the doggy comforts, such as food, treats and bedding. I make them an area where they can ride elevated (to see what's happening outside the car) and between the seats. It's safe enough for them and comfortable for sure. They ride like royalty! Okay.. so maybe it's a little tight but they manage just fine once the initial excitement wears off and snuggle down.
We pull out of the driveway and all the roads we will see from this point forward, will be as familiar as the ones in our own neighborhood. The car can almost drive itself there, since it has made the trip so often in the past.
Flash forward to the arrival. I didn't want to bore you with dialog of the entire trip.. it's really not all that exciting. The roads that lead us from point A to point B, either cut through endless farmlands, or are made up of highway scenes. Neither one gives me much to write about. After our hellos and after we carried all the items we packed into the car, inside for the duration of the visit, we could relax. The dogs are very familiar with my parents house and property, so it doesn't take all that long for them to re-check things out and settle down.
They have their favorite spots, especially the sunny ones or wherever we are at the time. Pepper will follow my wife and I wherever we go, but Molly is more of a lay in the sun kind of girl. She is quite content having her beds and blankets from home, to snuggle into.
Early in the morning, before most were up and about and after their breakfast, Pepper could be found taking a rest next to his little sister. He wasn't dumb, this spot was also near his daddy and close to the breakfast table, that would soon be teaming with delicious smells. A handout was a definite possibility.
What trip to mom-mom's and pop-pop's would be complete, without the occasional "Handout". Just a small tidbit of egg or bacon. Who could possibly say no to those faces?? Not me, that's for sure, and most certainly not pop-pop. His hand is always the first to drop toward their salivating mouths.
HANDOUTS!!!!
After breakfast is finished and not another drop of coffee could possibly be consumed, Pepper and Molly are ready to explore. Well, actually Molly is not much of an explorer and doesn't have Pepper's level of curiosity running through her veins, so let's just say she needs to go out to make potty. Out we go! Pepper makes a dart for the dock, and ready to check out whats happening at the water's edge.
He looks left. Then he looks right. his eyes and nose take him up and down the dock, sniffing everything within proximity. He pears out over the ripples on the surface of the water, sniffing at the air running past his nose. We hear the calls of a nearby Seagull, but unfortunately Pepper does not react.. for he can no longer hear so well anymore.
Molly was carried down to the dock and seems to be content standing in one spot. She doesn't care for the way the water moves, the way the wood feels on the bottoms of her paws, or the strange sounds coming from up above. I really can't blame her, since she is really quite tiny and not used to being this close to the water.
Pepper runs out of investigation stamina and he is starting to pant. It's time to move on and he takes the lead by running up the steps with Molly not far behind. Of course he MUST make a pit stop every few feet, to pee on anything leaning over the path's edge. It seems like it takes him 10 minutes to walk 10 feet, but we all make it back to the patio and inside for drinks (beer for me, water for them).
Thirsty for that drink.. she can hardly wait!
Spending time out doors and in the sun is exhausting. Sniffing all that air made Molly a little sleepy, so she crashes in one of her favorite spots, on her blanky, spread across the couch.
Pepper has other plans, and joins pop-pop out in the sun room. He sits there for a while, thinking about taking a nap, but never really lays his head down. Pop-pop on the other hand is out like a light. I'm not going to lie, my eyes gently closed for a minute or two, before reopening to find Pepper was missing. Where did he go off to? My wife had no clue. Mom-mom knew nothing of his whereabouts. Molly can't talk, so she's not giving up much information.
I hear Pepper whine lightly a few times and it hits me.. I know exactly where he is. He had a bad habit of walking up the spiral staircase to the loft, only to find out that no one was up there. After sitting at the top of those winding steps, he also remembered having a fear of coming down. At that moment he begins to whine, hoping that someone will come to his rescue. Over the course of a weekend, we would find him up there four or five times. Silly dog! You can't beat the great view from up there though.
After some snoozing, lunch and maybe a quick trip out and about, we make it back home to happy hour on the patio. We might as well take advantage of the nice weather before it's swept away by autumn winds. Both dogs like spending time out on the patio with the family. Molly is content laying in her bed while Pepper likes to look out toward the water. There was an extra chair available, so I turned it around so he had a clear view of the canal.
He sat in that spot for a good while before becoming bored with it.
It's beautiful out on the patio and shaded during the afternoon hours. All sorts of things can be seen flying or buzzing around in the gardens that surround the seating area. Hummingbirds, bees, and butterflies, just to name a few, are sure to catch Pepper's eye.
This would be the last time he got to spend any length of time outdoors, before becoming to ill to enjoy it. It makes me sad to remember how much he loved spending time on a porch or patio. I am trying hard not to get too sad, but it's hard.
Inevitably all good times must come to an end. Out time was up and we had to head back home. We packed up our things, loaded the car as we had just a few short days prior, and said our goodbyes. I didn't know that this would be Pepper's last road trip and his last trip to Mom-mom's and Pop-pop's house. If it were, would we have done anything different than this? Would we have provided more of an experience for him to take with his departing spirit? I have given it some thought, as a mind in distress sometimes does, and my answer is no.
He did everything he always enjoyed doing. He was still very much curious and inquisitive, while exploring the familiar environment. He made the best of the time he had, and what more could we ask for?
Caramel Pop Corn ..
No trip is complete without stopping by Fisher's Popcorn in order to go home with some freshly made deliciousness. Popcorn isn't the best things for dogs to have, but a piece or two doesn't hurt. After we made it back to New Jersey, and to the comforts of our home, we unpacked the car. We had a little time before bed, so we all settled down on the couch for the evening. I took out the popcorn and began to replay the events of the fun weekend out in my mind.
The pop of the lid was all it took for the pups to come running. They took their places by my feet and firmly planted their eyes on my moving hand and the bucket of sweetness. Soon enough they were both rewarded for patiently waiting. "Crunch, crunch, crunch" and it was over.
They were content and the popcorn was put away. Pepper and Molly lingered in hopes of a second windfall of snacks, eventually falling asleep by my feet. I couldn't help to think, maybe, just maybe, they were dreaming about the awesome weekend and what would eventually become Pepper's last road trip. My heart aches thinking about it. I wish he were here, young again, and already looking forward to his next adventure with Molly, my wife and myself.
Maybe tonight when I lay in bed and close my eyes, I will dream of such things and that will be enough. Enough to ease my troubled mind and give me the strength to brave the next one without him. I pray for it to be so.
Thank you for swinging by my blog and checking out the post. Have a great day!
“Do not go to my grave.
Mary knows, I am not there.
Look for me in between pages
and on people’s lips.
Do not go to my old school.
Do not go to my old house —
I am not in any of those places.
Look for me in your hearts
and greet me there...
...A part of us always remains
when we leave somewhere.
It is a part we can never reclaim
even if we revisit the place
for it was never ours to begin with.
There is so little of ourselves
that belongs to us.
This body is the earth’s.
This heart is yours,
and his and theirs.
The only thing that is our own
is our freedom of will—
our freedom to choose
our attitudes in life.
All else is borrowed.
All else is everyone else’s.”
― Kamand Kojouri
All words, pictures and art pieces are the sole property of B D Miller Gallery, unless otherwise noted and credited, and are not to be reproduced or copied without the prior written consent of B D Miller Gallery.
About Me ~ The Artist
My art work incorporates a wide variety of subject matter, including landscape, seascape, cityscape, and still life images. My works are the product of a continuing process of exploration through which I seek to portray personal and visionary interpretations of my surroundings. My paintings are impressions of places and events from everyday life, an interpretation of my imagination, and personal responses to what I see and feel on a daily basis. More recently I have invested generous amounts of time into my landscape painting. I am surrounded by natural and man made beauty, which inherently presents itself in the tri-state area, and almost demands that I paint it.
Not everything is art. Art is not everything, but it comes close. Art is everywhere and all the time. Art makes you experience the beauty of the world, the people in it, and the places we call home. Art itself is so influential that it can tell stories, show feelings, and express passion or fury. Art exists in addition to language; expression of sensations and thoughts, revealing a way of thinking too subtle and delicate for words.
For me art requires love, honesty and perseverance. In return, it reveals some personal, non-analyzable, and creative untamed passion. For the public, art with its magnificent beauty, improves mood and health and builds better human beings and communities. It engages the intellect, softens the heart, strengthens the soul and frees the spirit.
If Your Interested In Purchasing Any Of My Work:
They can be found for sale on
Saatchi Art
Or
Etsy
If you don't see the piece in either shop, It may still be drying. Let me know and I can upload it as soon as possible to be available. Or you can always make me an offer (in HBD, Hive or any other crypto) in the comments section of this post. If we agree on a price, I will then ship the painting to you. (shipping costs will be determined by your location).
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