Are You an Ugly Duckling?
Raise an eyebrow and call me spoiled, I will be the first to agree. Yes, I am spoiled, dreadfully spoiled for I live in a house on a magnificent lake. The view is breathtaking.
As I sit at my desk and gaze at the lake it gives me something unique, it offers the hand of friendship. It’s a handsome lake, proud and individual. Sometimes it can be temperamental and demanding but it’s never boring; it has various tints and hues and it’s awash with activity. There are times when it has a captivating glassy appearance, other days it will be tumultuous and indignant, but His Royal Highness comes to his senses and calms down. The lake has given me many pleasures, it has afforded me time to slow down and reflect upon my life, the fortunes and misfortunes, the bitter the sweet, the good and bad times. It is a friend to me.
My desk is not quite as good looking as the lake and it’s not fashionable, but it makes its presence felt. It’s quite the talking point when visitors drop by as they admire the cherry tree wood, flamboyant brass handles and engraved plates. It’s a little chipped around the edges and stained, and it has a few insect holes scattered here and there but it has a charm of its own and it suits me just fine. My desk is weary but I have no intention of changing it, I’m not up for one of those modern fandangle things. From the time I hid under the desk and carved my initials near a joint it has guided me through childhood folly and into wisdom.
At the end of a long day’s work I often put on some relaxing music and rub my hand along the grain of the wood. It takes me back to the days when Papa took me fishing. I can still hear him say as I throw the fishing line “Leeda, don’t ruffle the surface of the water, use your wrist and elbow”. A lump comes to my throat, but I savor those moments for once again I taste the sweet clover by the creek, smell the jasmine, and see my father’s smile of approval. My tears moisten the paper on my desk.
The best feature about my desk is its position, it faces an expansive window which affords a million-dollar view. It’s my talisman, for it strengthens and delights me, and consoles my disappointments. I landed on my feet when I bought this fixer-upper.
Surrounding the lake is an assortment of palm trees, banana trees, green-leafed, sprawling bushes and wild flowers that befriend one another. The reeds on the edge of the lake can be a damn nuisance but they’ve staked a claim on it. Who am I to complain? Some exotic trees, the names of which escape me give home to an assortment of birds that flit here and there. The king of the jungle is a white floss-silk tree with large prickly thorns all over its trunk. You don’t see too many squirrels climbing up that tree, I can tell you that right now.
Wednesday afternoon met with a distraction as I stared out of the office window. I was hunched over my Royal typewriter, the margins setup lickety-split, the clacking of the keys was in full swing and a mug of coffee with a tipple of what does you good was at my side. Nothing out of the ordinary had taken place that day, it was time to shut the door to clients, appointments and phone calls. As I leaned back into my chair I noticed a tightly-knit flock of ducks that had huddled together in a feathery mass on the lake. There were 12 or more ducks that had hunkered on down. It was the first time I had seen such a sight.
I’m pretty familiar with ducks. Their carefree circling, diving and clown-like antics is a frequent occurrence. I’m used to their whistling, cooing, squawking, grunts, preening and attention-seeking. And I am often entertained by three rogue ducks that wander up and down the water looking for trouble. More than once I have seen the three stooges surround a lone duck as if to say “show me the goods”. I have also seen indignant ducks, shy ducks and proud ducks. I’ve had ducks running up and down my yard playing hide-and-seek with their pals and I’ve watched ducks taking flight and sitting on my roof. But today’s ducks were different. The ducks were silent as they huddled together. Occasionally, one of the ducks in the middle would raise its head and with its bill pointed upwards surveyed the skies. It lasted no more than a few seconds before digging its head down and reporting back to headquarters.
I had carried on with some tasks when a bolt of lightning struck at 6.15pm. Damn thunder always catches me out and makes me jump. As I poked my nose out of the window the huddled mass of ducks had unfurled and made their way down the lake with the exception of a lone, scrawny duck that was quite a distance from the others. It was a ragged slip of a thing. I wouldn’t call it ugly, but it wasn’t going to win the handsome duck of the year contest. For a split second the ugly duckling looked my way and I acknowledged his efforts with a nod. The duck was paddling at full speed when the skies lit up and three loud noises like the cracking of whips resounded. The duck was unfazed and it had a smile on its face. I had a rebellious teenage duck on my hands and he was deaf.
No sooner had I said the words, I had one of those aha moments. I’m an ugly duckling and maybe you are too.
Many people are struggling to catch up in life and find themselves all alone. They don’t plan it this way, they don’t want it this way, it’s the way their life has turned out. Loneliness is miserable. There is the loneliness of being all alone, living alone, crying alone, or having nobody to turn to. There is the loneliness of losing a partner, son, daughter, or a friend when death takes its grip. The loneliness from a friend’s betrayal, from looking different, being different, acting different hurts.
The loneliness in an unhappy marriage and the loneliness of being sick and helpless is also painful. There can be none lonelier than the shunned, the rejected.
Are you a scrawny duck on the lake, is your situation causing you unhappiness, are you finding it hard to cope? The key to overcoming loneliness is to have something in view, you must always have something in view.
But how? How do you have something in view, how do you change the view?
No matter how bad your situation is, how lonely and empty you feel, or how burdened down you are, you have to look straight ahead. You have to have something to look forward to. No, I didn’t say it was easy, but if you change your view, your situation will change and your pain will end.
Close your eyes for a moment and visualize a long country lane with trees on either side. Don’t look at the trees, don’t look at your feet walking down the lane, don’t look at the skies, look straight ahead to the end of the road in the distance. For that moment in time you changed your view. Your thoughts, feelings interests and curiosity were in a different location. When loneliness overwhelms you, visualize looking ahead. It’s a simple tool, a reminder that things will not always be this way, that your situation will change if you don’t sit still. You have to keep moving forward.
If you are physically alone and loneliness engulfs you, you need to force yourself to meet new people. Don’t allow yourself to be left on the outside of the group. Find a new interest, do some charity work, help the homeless, talk to new people, keep looking to the end of that country road where things are different.
If you are not physically alone, but loneliness traps you in some form, the same rule applies; change your view. You have to have something ahead of you. Keep active.
Another aspect in alleviating loneliness is to develop a pleasing personality so others are drawn to you. It takes very little effort to smile, to say something nice to someone, to encourage another, or to show an act of genuine kindness. Depression, frustration, self-consciousness and loneliness lessen if you make it your goal to develop something few possess, a pleasing personality.
Say an enthusiastic “thank you” to every person that serves you, the mailman, the sales girl, or cashier. Show genuine warmth and appreciation to the uneducated and the lowly, it’s guaranteed that they have attributes far more noble that your own. Make somebody else’s day a little happier by encouraging, complimenting and showing love. You will see things change.
The hand of true friendship is a rare gift, extend it to others and you will reap rich rewards with companionship, love, and happiness. Jump into the middle of life and keep those legs padding and your loneliness will go. I know you have a lot to offer, it just hasn’t surfaced to the full. But it will.
About one year after the unusual sight of the huddled flock of ducks, I was picking up palm fronds that had fallen to the ground when a beautiful white swan appeared on the lake. It was the epitome of dignity and grace, elegance and beauty as it glided upon the water without effort. A more beautiful figure than that swan could not be seen. For a brief second it glanced at me with a sense of acknowledgment and I bowed to its grace.
Ugly ducklings may be disadvantaged, they may feel awkward, different and isolated but they don’t miss out for long. Sooner or later they turn into a beautiful swan that commands respect. If you take the time to look into the reflection of a lake you will see that you’re not an ugly duckling, no, not at all, but you’re a very fine swan indeed, a swan that everyone will be drawn to because you changed your view.
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