The midnight run.
Running through the woods has always filled me with nature’s blessing, I love the smell of the woods and how the leaves touch my body as I move swiftly through them, I have found solace amid the wood and taken it as an escape route out of my misery.
Today’s run was the same as others, running… running from the beast that had claimed me but how far can I go? When I kept going back.. Going back to the pains of the past..
Sighing, I shook my head, sitting down in my favorite place by the waters I felt silent hot liquid roll down my cheek and watched as the moon stood there, standing in the middle of the water, how I can see through it and how it glistened on my tired soul.
I sniffed and cleaned my tears, "not now", I whispered to no one in particular, I can’t be weak at all times but I just can’t help it. The memory of this day pour in more tears that could fill up a desert, I couldn’t control them, I tried to keep my cries low but it echoes around in the silent night and I felt the trees around shaken. It was like they could feel my pain too.
It is like they could feel how heartbreaking it is. The memory came in again, reminding me of what I have done and why I need to pay for my sins. The memory. ...That awful night!!, tears spout out from my eyes like a broken dam, and I sniffed bitterly, if only I can move back the hands of time or I had the power to see the future, I wouldn’t have been so damn stubborn, I wouldn’t have… just then the memory came crashing down on me like it just happened.
The memory..
It was late at night when my father came home, he had missed my birthday and he came over to my room with a solemn look, I was the only child, pampered and well-loved by my parents and friends. While some love my never-ending parroted mouth, others think it annoying but that doesn’t stop me from talking anyways.
It was my 14th birthday when the incident occurred the life-changing one, the same one that had turned me into a shell of an unknown specie.
Just like I said, father had come home with a solemn look after missing my birthday, though he has never missed my birthday before still, I was angry he did miss this one, I was angry and never listened to his words or what mother was trying to tell me. I was selfish and only thought about myself, only if I had quit talking and listened if only I had…
The unending tears gushed out more and stuck me to my memory unable to stop reviewing what has passed.
I was angry at father for missing out on my special day, I had planned something nice for him, a video to show him and mom how much they meant to me. Though it was my birthday I wanted to dedicate it to my parent, surprise them with handmade gifts and a video of moments shared till this moment and then father missed it. I couldn’t present what I wanted to present, I was angry that I kept all in a box and sealed it away.
My anger though brought in lots of regretful memories of the unchangeable past. The past that I let take place because of my stubbornness, the past that took away the most important people in my life. I hiccupped and cried more with a tired lung.
Father had gone out that night, he had gone out because I had chased him out of my room to his doom. He had..he had…crying profusely with my hands shaking, I can still remember the words of the caller, and I can still remember how I had fallen when the police confirmed it.
Father had an accident, a drunk driver's car had crashed on his car which resulted in internal bleeding, then death.
I was lost, how can such a thing happen in minutes? I didn’t just lose my father that day, but my mother too and myself.
The midnight voice
Mother had been lost ever since, I never blame her as I had taken away her lover, I know she hates me deeply for what I had done. She barely speaks to me or looks at me, she had become a shadow of herself. Lost in her world of misery.
For two long year’s I have watched her become slimmer with baggy eyes. I am sure she had lost herself and she recognizes no one. I sighed and cleaned my tears again, just then I heard a voice. Not just any kind of voice that sweetens the soul nor the kind that lulls a baby to sleep, but the kind that uplifts the spirit of a depressed soul and it wasn’t talking, it was singing and humming in between.
“Who goes there?” I asked a bit shaken, reminding myself how no one knows I was out here in the wood.
Just then the moon shines brightly, almost blinding, and then rose the form of human-like water, glistening like a crystal. And the voice spoke, in a calming and inviting manner.
“Why do ye drown in sorrows of the past little one? The voice asked and before I could answer it continued. “ I have watched you come here for the past months with a solemn look, you are too young to carry the burden you lay on yourself, you should know this, life isn’t fair and what will be will be no matter how ye try to prevent the happenings of the past. “ moving round in circles the voice spoke again. “ why drown in the pain of the past when the future should be worked on, learn from the past and input the lesson learned in the present and work towards your future, adios little one, your mother awaits.”
And just then the human figure fell into a puddle, “What just happened my inner mind asked?.. It said mother awaits, oh mother!!” just then I moved my feet and ran fast towards home, the once present misery gone and filled with the adrenaline to get to mother and save her.
Midnight embrace
Opening the back door which I had always used as my escape route to the woods, I barged into the kitchen and was about to dash up the stairs when I heard a voice speaking and another crying.
Moving as quietly as I could with my heart racing, I moved and then stopped, seeing what is being displayed, tears poured out again, and I covered my hands with my mouth to stop the choking sound.
Just then a figure stood up and came closer to me and then I saw light in her eyes.
“Oh baby, I am so sorry I closed out on you, I am a bad mother for these past months, your father would have never wanted us to live like this, he would have wanted us to move on” holding my cheek with her frail hands she smiled, “your father would be so proud of you, and this video," she said pointing to the Tv, " I saw it in a box and I am so glad I did and this thing you did, the videos are so full of life and I am so sure your Father would never stop loving you. ...forgive me, baby.” She whispered still holding onto my cheek.
Just then more water came rushing down my cheek as I embrace my mom tightly, sighing deeply I felt the once safe hug I have so much missed, opening my eyes, I stare at the screen and just then the part where I had dropped father's face in the flour mother mixed to bake surfaced and I found myself laughing. Turning and looking past her shoulders mom laughed too which brought in more laughs as we both sat down and spoke on the memory that surfaced and all other memories.
