The dreadful feeling. How did it come to be? You may ask, and the more you question yourself, the more pain you get, your worry gets multiplied, and then nothingness. That void that seems never to be filled no matter how much love you pour in it. It can drive one crazy especially when you keep experiencing it over and over again when you thought you had taken care of it.
Our pasts...its strings will never get loose if we don't let go. Whenever something happens that triggers us, we remember those dreadful moments then wallow in self-pity. Sometimes, it may get to the stage where suicide is considered, and then life will be lost.
The pain we must have gone through and the things we had to bear to get to that moment when just dying is the best deal out of things, and then we take it without fear. And then, we find peace and lots of calmness as the heart beats faintly until all is gone.
Then what? Life continues, and then we will be at peace. But is that fair? Yes! Life is filled with unfairness, but we mustn't let ourselves get to that moment when nothing in life matters again. That moment where there's nothing holding us back to end it all. We mustn't let ourselves be pushed to the wall just like that. Not that we are weak, but because we are humans with feelings, and our feelings have been hurt badly by moments in our past that have now become a trauma.
We shouldn't let our pasts define our present world. No matter how dark that past is, we must fight. The fight to truly live life, not just survive it. The fight to have something or someone of value to us will serve as a remainder of how precious our lives are. We must learn to live because dying isn't the best deal.
There's no wrong in screaming out loud for the world to hear your pain. Don't let your cries die inside. Bring them out and let someone help. Help yourself love, grow, and truly find peace in yourself. It is not going to be easy. It is never easy as it wasn't meant to be. It is your past filled with moments where you are all by yourself in a crazy world with your innocence trampled upon with no mercy. Pains were inflicted on you mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically. So why? Why must you let yourself suffer because of them? You shouldn't die for those who hurt you, live truly and flourish.
Do not allow your world to be filled with nothingness... don't allow your past to repeat itself again. Tell your story, save yourself and others who are scared to voice out. You never know whose life will be blessed just because you are present in it. Be not afraid to take the step.
Still yours truly,
Balikis.
Thanks for reading and listening.
Peace be unto those who crave it and more to those who chase it away.
