It was the moment of truth, my palms were sweating, my heart beat twice faster as I stared at the loading sign on my laptop's screen. I hoped for a congratulatory message but in the split second of closing and opening my eyes, the first phrase shot me dead. I closed my laptop and made it out of the house before anyone would have the chance to shoot me arrows of questions regarding the long expected mail.
I felt like dying. I could deal with whatever my family would make of the news but not my friends, Sam and Joe. They would laugh and mock me, they'd be happy at my disappointment, thinking of them made it worst. What kind of friends are they? I hated them that instant. And as I was breeding the hate in me, I saw them. They'd probably worried over what I'd tell them and couldn't wait to be certain that I had no better news than they did. I pretended not to see them, till Joe called out "Hey, silly where you up to?" I turned and acted surprised "hi Joe, Sam, I didn't think I'd see you two here today" I said but Joe didn't buy into it "shut up silly, we live here. This is our neighborhood."he said.
Sam studied me carefully then asked "where you up to?"
"Urgghhh, no where in particular" I smirked " I just want some air, a good stroll would do, so_ I'm on it. A stroll" I combed my hair with my fingers. I could tell Sam was irritated by my discomfort. He didn't probe, he probably got more important things to settle. He excused himself from our company, leaving me with Joe who I wished had gone same way as him, but no, there he was being an intruding company whose loud speech invaded the little time I wished to think out my reaction to the consequence before me.
We walked up the hill to be lost in the view of the waters below. He made for my biscuits without asking which was typical of him anyway. I remained quiet, haven't said a word since our walk up hill and for a talkative as he, it galled him. "What's up with you Teddy?" He asked "you're being unusually quiet" if he knew even a little bit of me, he'd know that I am usually quiet.
"I told you, I only wanted to stroll and not to talk" I replied, and watched him take the last piece of my biscuit. He settled in for a proper conversation that I wondered if he didn't quite understand my simple use of English, I wasn't interested in talking! "I just want to think some things through" I emphasized.
He let silence ring for a while then seized it's bell "Sam made it into the team you know" he said and those words fell like larva in my heart cold sea. He was probing, I knew it, it was his way to make me comment my mind "he would be leaving next month.
I'm so happy I made it into the team too but unlike Sam, I'd be leaving next week. I mean why wait that long when your dream finally stares you in the face" I could feel his pride and confidence but too bad I couldn't reciprocate it "when would you be leaving Ted?" He asked and I realized then how much of a fool I had been.
The two persons I blamed for my predicament had aced their way out of it "I didn't get in" I said and he just stared, he face held no emotion. Suddenly he broke into an unnecessary laughter "what you mean, you didn't get in? You the leader here man, have you forgotten?" I willed him to comfort and not confront, but he wasn't even looking at me. "When would you be leaving for real man?" He asked again and I simply repeated my answer. "Seriously, what happened with you Ted? this isn't typical of you, everyone's looking up to you, you know that"
" I know. But this is life isn't it? You don't always get what you confidently hope in" I toyed with the stones around throwing smaller ones into the water. "You shouldn't have sent me an invite that Thursday Joe" I shook my head in regret as I reviewed my past months "because if I'm being completely honest, I gave up on ever going to the academy after I met with Walters at your party. He was so sure foreign exchange trading was the gold" I threw more stones, larger ones than before like it could take away the ache in my heart with it.
"I gave up training and invested my savings and turned out he was just a novice con artist so you can image how much of a fool I was." Coach had given me my interview letter the same night Walters cover blew open "I was so frustrated that day during the interview, I couldn't think clearly Walters cut was still fresh and I was still trying to stand again. It wasn't me on the field that day. I knew I messed up badly, I knew they wouldn't take me, but somehow I was hoping they'd look up my past records but none of that did any good, did it?"
I stood and walked forward, and contemplated falling deep into the waters to never rise again " I suppose this is the end" I said and turned to look at Joe, he was watching me intently. It was surprising to know his heart could feel something "this isn't the end of the road Ted" he said.
" It is the end" I replied, nodding my head. He walked up to me and rested his hands on my shoulders "I should go home" I said
"You should make things right again" he said and coaxed me into meeting with coach in hope to secure a second slot but admissions for the session was completely over leaving my fate to the next year's.
If nothing else, Joe's attempt to right my wrong was adorable. Maybe he cared regardless. Oh! no I'm certain my friends are double faced. They'd praise me in person, and paint me black in my absence. I left from him to return home, to my nemesis.
I turned the door knob to walk hoping to find peace for at least some minutes, but hell greeted me at the door. Everyone was sitted in the living room, and Joshua, my younger brother had my laptop on his lap, with that I needed no further information. Almost immediately everyone started talking and yelling their disappointments like it could change anything. I was patient enough to hear my dad, painstakingly stating that I'd better figured what to do with my life as he wouldn't waste his resources on a soccer academy I had willingly thrown away in my pursuit for wealth.
When the storm was over, I settled in my room for some peace and quiet, to figure out how to finance my briefly abandoned dream. Funny how the thought of earning big time made me lose my dream and that now I'd have to till the grounds to find it again. Had I known earlier, I would have played my cards right.
