Goodbye Dearest Tasteless Gerbil
Dear dearest,
To me, you are like a very tasteless gerbil and I'm not sure that I need a very tasteless gerbil in my life right now.
Things started to go wrong when I caught you kicking with my dad.
It's not that I don't love you. It's just that your half-brother is extremely sexy and your sister is, without a doubt, the most spiffing person I've ever known.
It's true, we've had some trendy times singing together. You have eyebrows like amazing cabbages and the most crumpled foot I've ever seen.
Your personality is like a really broken donkey skipping into my skull. When I see you prancing it makes me want to steal your cabbage eyebrows and post them to Weston-super-Mare.
I lie in bed at night wishing you were a footballer and not a gerbil who likes kicking with my dad.
What I'm trying to say, is take your crumpled foot and go.
Yours no more
Bill Botholomew
