Why Is It So Hard to Stick to Good Habits?
It seems to be remarkably easy to fall into unhealthy routines.
★ Eating junk food.
★ Watching TV instead of going to the gym.
★ Showing up to a job you hate everyday.
★ Biting your nails.
★ Smoking.
There’s no shortage of unhealthy and unproductive behaviors. And we all struggle with them from time to time. But why? You want to live a healthy, fulfilling, and remarkable life. And every now and then you probably get really motivated and inspired to make a change. So how come it is more likely that this time next year you'll be doing the same thing rather than something better? Why is it so hard to stick to good habits?
I believe that it is because we usually try to make changes in the wrong way. And in this guide, I'm going to share a blend of science and real world experiences that share a better strategy for making long term changes in your life.
Let's get started.
The Common Mistake You Want to Avoid
“Your audacious life goals are fabulous. We’re proud of you for having them. But it’s possible that those goals are designed to distract you from the thing that’s really frightening you—the shift in daily habits that would mean a re–invention of how you
see yourself.”
—Seth Godin
Transformations and overnight successes get a lot of hype. (For good reason, who wouldn't want to be more successful in less time?) But here's the problem: when you hear about a dramatic transformation (like someone losing 100 pounds) or a incredible success story (like someone building a million dollar business in 1 year), the only thing you know is the event that people are talking about. You don't hear anything about the process that came before it or about the habits that led to the eventual result.
It's easy to let these incredible stories trick you into doing too much, too soon. I know I've done it. When you get motivated and inspired to take your life to the next level, it's so easy to get obsessed with the result. I need to lose 20 pounds (or 40 or 60 or 100). I need to squat 300 pounds (or 400 or 500). I need to meditate 3 days per week (or 5 or 7). Or thousands of other variations of your life goals. It's natural to think that we need the result, the transformation, the overnight success. But that's
not what you need. You need better habits.
It’s so easy to overestimate the importance of one defining moment and underestimate the value of making better decisions on a daily basis. Almost every habit that you have — good or bad — is the result of many small decisions over time. And if this is true, if the problems you’re facing now are the result of thousands of small decisions made over the course of years, then wouldn’t it make sense that path to success, health, strength, joy, fulfillment, meaning, and vitality would also be through thousands of daily decisions?
And yet, how easily we forget this when we want to make a change. When you become obsessed with achieving a result quickly, the only thing you think about is how to get to your goal, and you forget to realize that our process for achieving goals is just as important as whether or not you achieve them at all. The desire to achieve results quickly fools
you into thinking that the result is the prize.
But here's the truth…
Becoming the type of person you want to become — someone who lives by a stronger standard, someone who believes in themselves, someone who can be counted on by the people that matter to them — is about the daily process you follow and not the ultimate product you achieve. Why is this true? Because your life today is essentially the sum of your habits. How in shape or out of shape you are? A result of your habits. How happy or unhappy you are? A result of your habits. How successful or unsuccessful you are?
A result of your habits.
What you repeatedly do (i.e. what you spend time thinking about and doing each day) ultimately forms the person you are, the things you believe, and the personality that you portray. The most common mistake that people make is setting their sights on an event, a transformation, an overnight success they want to achieve – rather than focusing on their habits
and routines. I've been guilty of this just like everyone else. And even today, I'm still learning how to master
my habits just like you. But over time, I've discovered a helpful blend of academic research and real world experiences
that have allowed me to make progress in many areas of life. In this guide, I want to share that
progress with you so that you can avoid chasing another overnight success and actually stick to
your goals for the long term.
Let's get started by talking about the science of sticking to good habits.
All habits form by the same 3–step process. (Graphic based on Charles Duhigg’s “Habit Loop” in
The Power of Habit.)
The Science of How Your Habits Work (The3 R's of Habit Change)
There is a simple 3–step pattern that every habit follows. I call this pattern the “3 R's of Habit Change” and it goes like this...
This sequence has been proven over and over again by behavioral psychology researchers. I originally learned of this cycle from Stanford professor, BJ Fogg. And more recently, I read about it in Charles Duhigg’s best–selling book, The Power of Habit. (Duhigg’s book refers to the three steps as cue, routine, reward. Regardless of how it's phrased, the point is that there is a lot of science behind the process of habit formation, and so we can be relatively confident that your habits follow the same cycle.) Let me show you what the 3 R's look like in real life by applying the framework to a typical habit. (In this case, answering a phone call.) Step One: Your phone rings (reminder). This is the reminder that initiates the behavior. The ring acts as a trigger or cue to tell you to answer the phone. It is the prompt that starts the behavior.
Step Two: You answer your phone (routine). This is the actual behavior. When your phone rings, you have a habit of answering it. Step Three: You find out who is calling (reward). The reward is the benefit gained from doing the behavior. In this case, the reward for completing the habit was satisfying your curiosity to find out why the other person was calling you.
Result: If the reward is positive, then the cycle forms a positive feedback loop that tells your brain, “Next time this reminder happens, do the same thing.” (i.e. When the phone rings again, answer it.) Follow this same cycle enough times and you'll stop thinking about it. Your behavior will just become a habit.
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