The art of conversation.

You probably had such situations when you called a person to discuss an important project or find a solution, but instead 20 minutes talked about nothing. Or, perhaps, you repeated the same thing in several different ways, when everyone has already agreed with your point of view?

The world is filled with people who deviate from the topic and begin to discuss non-essential things. They spend several hours every day on meaningless things and never do anything. Of course, sometimes it's important to talk about anything in order to establish a relationship with a person. But how to find a balance? How to learn how to effectively communicate with people and at the same time leave time for pleasant moments in the dialogue? In this article, I will give you three tips to help in this, and discuss them in real situations.

Estimate the location of the interlocutor

Each of us has a certain mood, schedule or amount of work. This is important to understand, because if you have time for a long unstructured conversation, this does not mean that your colleague or friend is also located to it. A person can have a deadline and he urgently needs to complete an important matter - and the more you talk to him, the more he gets irritated. In this case, you will not be able to build a good relationship.

This seems obvious, but people rarely follow the simple rule - to ask if there is time for the person to talk. If you ask and get a negative answer, you can even get the interlocutor's location for respecting and appreciating his time.

Discuss one problem at a time

We all witnessed how a person tried to discuss seven problems in three minutes, each of which requires careful attention. It reminds a matted tangle of different threads that cannot be untangled.

People need time to think through the problem, weigh options and analyze information. Therefore, raise one topic and make sure that no one deviates from it.

You also need to be wise enough to arrange the topics in the right order. The most emotionally complex topics can be put at the very beginning or the end - it all depends on you and every case is individual.

Learn to listen and hear

The best interlocutors actually speak very little. They listen more, show empathy and try to understand what excites a person. Such people do not interrupt, are extremely concentrated and before they say anything, they try to understand the essence of what is happening. They do not judge and do not make hasty conclusions. Sometimes ten seconds of active listening is enough to build rapport.

The problem is that when a person is silent, he essentially thinks about what he will say next and does not listen to the interlocutor. There is an unpleasant moment, because the interlocutor understands that his words were not taken into account, and the answer was in advance thought out.

Real situations

Consider four situations in which the ability to conduct a conversation is extremely important.

Telephone conversations

• Before making a call, scroll at least a minute and think about what you want to say. Then arrange the key points of the conversation that you want to discuss.
• Realize which phrase or solution will mean that you have reached the goal of the conversation. Write it down and focus on it.
• Do not express your point of view more than once. Say what you want to say and patiently wait for an answer.
• If your interlocutor asked a question that you do not know the answer to, tell me honestly about it or ask for time for reflection.

One-on-One Communication

• Many people are often mistaken about a one-on-one conversation. They believe that the one who spoke more, he won. Develop this error and do not try to dominate, because you get only one result - take care of your ego and waste time.
• In the office, they like to dissolve rumors, so avoid this even if you are treated with the desire to get an understanding and complain about another person. Always and everywhere you must understand what you need to say and what not to say, and also to know when it is best to do it.

Group meetings

• An inflated ego is important in group meetings. People defend their point of view even when there are many logical flaws in it. So listen more - it will save your time, allow you to learn more and avoid stress. Write down all the important thoughts that come to mind so that you do not get lost when the audience needs to know your opinion.
• If you are the organizer of such a meeting, the best way to avoid a protracted speech of people who like to talk will be a time limit. For example, allocate three minutes for each person. This, by the way, will allow you to understand how long the measure will last.
• Each person at a group meeting wants to achieve certain goals. However, most often the situation gets out of hand and people start complaining and focusing on problems instead of solving them. Direct the discussion in the right direction at the first hints of lack of constructiveness.

Office chatter and casual conversations

• Use the lunch break to establish relationships with colleagues, and upon completion, specifically tell them that you intend to work.
• Separate constructive and non-constructive conversation. On the first you almost always have time, because this is your work. The second should not interfere with the first and your career and personal goals.

Wish you luck!