Loneliness and People. (Week 303)

Loneliness is part of a necessary journey, one that leads us to get to know ourselves and to draw closer to who we truly are, whilst pushing away what is not.

I have felt lonely many times in my life, too many, I think, and I suffered because of it. Lonely because I felt different, completely distinct from both my family and the people around me. I had a group of friends, whom I later realised were only using me for what they needed. But I still felt lonely. We didn’t share the same interests. I didn’t like dancing or going to parties; I preferred the peace and quiet of home, watching a film. I didn’t like playing practical jokes or having them played on me, yet I suffered them; I was the centre of all that.

All of that led me to withdraw, to be solitary and withdrawn, and I suffered, but that didn’t mean I was going to stop being myself. I didn’t give in to the pressure from my so-called friends. I was a very good student, consistent, disciplined and responsible, and that aroused a great deal of envy… I came to understand that over time.

I was, and still am, different from my family; I’m affectionate, sweet, emotional, and I show my feelings, and I couldn’t find anyone like me in my circle. Yes, I felt alone, and that’s why I cried a lot, until I realised that it made me stronger. In my solitude, I set about getting to know myself and not caring what people said about me; they even told me I was a nun. I didn’t care. They said it to annoy me and make me act out violently, but I’m not like that, so I stood my ground and learnt that indifference is a powerful tool; that’s how I partly dealt with what was causing my loneliness.

But what helped me most was a phrase, a short phrase that someone once said to me, a boy I met who was also different from the rest and was often discriminated against. But he told me, almost 20 years ago: ‘I’m never alone; I have myself.’ And that’s when I realised that loneliness doesn’t exist; you only feel it because you don’t know yourself or aren’t comfortable with yourself. That’s when my journey began to find and love myself, and never feel alone again. I might miss someone, but I no longer feel alone in the deepest sense.

During that lonely period, I attracted people who took advantage of me, which made me feel even lonelier; it was a vicious circle. When I changed, I began to attract a different sort of people; like attracts like, just as synchronised vibrations do. I used to be drawn to sociable people because that was what I lacked, but I realised that this only reinforced that lack; in other words, I attracted people who made me feel what I was already feeling. People who spoke ill of me behind my back or said things that weren’t true, people who judged without knowing, that affected me. Today that doesn’t happen anymore; I know who I am, I know myself, and what others think is a reflection of who they themselves are.

Nowadays, I’m drawn to people who are just like me: loyal people who don’t judge or prejudge others; people with a pure and beautiful energy; cheerful and empathetic people; sensitive people with a huge heart. Those who know their own worth, who have learnt it and therefore value other people. I am drawn to sincerity, emotional depth, and gentleness of speech. I am drawn to people who look into your eyes, as if looking not at the body, but at the soul.

I’m drawn to people who live with integrity, people who aren’t contradictory, people who have experienced both loneliness and, for example, hunger, because today they’ll appreciate true companionship and a simple meal. I am drawn to people with whom I can speak without fear, from the heart. I am drawn to people who radiate high energy, so high that it is a pleasure to be by their side. I am drawn to positive people, those who love nature completely, and above all, people who are understanding of differences. I am drawn to people who laugh, and whose laughter is infectious. I am drawn to grateful people.

That said, I am repelled by selfish, dishonest, negative people; those who judge; those who speak ill without knowing the facts; cold people, devoid of feelings or emotions; people who complain all the time about everything; people who cannot appreciate the little things, the simple things, and the most important things in life; I am repelled by people who say they cannot change, simply because it is more comfortable to stay in their comfort zone. I am repelled by lazy or slacker people, lacking in willpower, perseverance and the desire to better themselves every day. All of that goes against what I feel, who I am and what I believe.

I am repelled by people who always think they are better than others, with egos so big they see no one else; and I have learnt that what is best for one person may not be best for another, so everyone has their own path and their own time to learn. I am repelled by people who cannot listen, understand or empathise.

I used to struggle with loneliness until I learnt from it and no longer felt alone. That’s how I was able to attract wonderful people into my life. Once again, I’ve chosen to link two of the excellent topics @galenkp shares with us in the weekend posts. Thank you for that.