There was a stage in our lives when we get so conscious of how our bodies looked. We get bullied by the way we look. We were compared to people in magazines, on TV, and on movies. Society taught us the "standards" of beauty and body for generations. From time to time, our body parts and their size become a "trend".
Back when I thought my body is on it's best shape.
I, myself have struggled many years in accepting my body. For those who haven't seen me in person, I'm tall. 5'11" to be exact, not an average Filipino height they say. Since I was a kid, I'm always at the end of the line during a flag ceremony or I'm always in the back of the classroom because of my height. I've always been the tallest kid. When I was about to enter college, my mother told me that I shouldn't eat too much because I might end up really huge. Like, I'm tall already how much more if I get big. She said, "you'll be gigantic". I followed what she said and I learned to control my urges. During my college days, I stopped drinking soda and rice. (It was just recently I consumed this stuff.)
During this time my acne is considered mild already. I took some photos before with even worse acne all over my face but I deleted those photos because I don't feel like seeing it again and I'm grossed out by it.
By the end of my college days, I had struggled with acne. Severe acne. I didn't know exactly what's wrong with my face and I am too self-conscious to visit the Dermatology and I was afraid we won't afford the treatment. I did my research and found that food has a great role in breaking out. There was a time I stopped eating pork and add more fruits to my diet then my skin started to clear up. But I wasn't able to continue it. My face, went back to it breaking out spree again. When I arrived in Cebu my skin wasn't that bad at all, but after a few months and years, my skin went back to its situation and it was even worse. I stopped eating processed foods, fast foods, and meat products and only consume fruits and vegetables. My skin cleared out but my body wasn't in its best shape. I was skinny. To the extent that my ribs can be seen already. I was living by myself here in Cebu, I was struggling and got really depressed about what's going on with my body.
I was on the stage of my life where I was depressed, sad, anxious, pressured, and on top of that my anger was uncontrollable. I was literally not in my best shape, mentally and physically. I didn't know myself anymore at that time. Whenever I see a photo of me before, I tend to be grossed out at first but then I must say that I am proud of him.
I can't remember exactly how I managed to get out from that place but starting my plant-based diet and yoga opened so many doors of opportunities for me. It lead me to people who helped me understand myself, my struggles, and the journey that I'm going through. Now that I'm getting older, I realize the importance of consumption. Whether it's for my body or my soul.
I got inspired of writing this blog because I have been getting a lot of comments lately such as "You got fat" or "You gained weight." or "You got bigger." to be honest, this could be really offensive if you say to these words to others, but for me, my response is "Thank you." Why? Well, aside from the fact that I have been eating a lot to actually gain weight and because all these years, I struggled to clear out my skin without being lanky but now, I no longer have that many breakouts and I am loving my body more than ever.
I know that my body seems normal for anyone but my journey of accepting it, the changes it goes through and the way it makes me feel is something that I should not invalidate.
If you made this far in this post and you have issues with your body, all I can say is that we all have different body types, we are genetically different from each other. Whatever works for me might not work for you. Acknowledge your flaws, if it bothers you, do something about them. If it's out of your control, learn to love it. Once you fully love yourself, people will know how to appreciate it, just like you. If they don't, that is not your problem. #bodypositivity
This is how I my body looks now. Yes, I gained weight but I also gained more confidence and more love to myself!
PS. This has been sitting on my drafts for a while now because I'm skeptical of posting it. I feel like it is too personal and I'm not quite sure if it's worth sharing but I am posting it anyway! Let me know your thoughts!
Asa Si Klause blogs about his travels, vegan lifestyle, yoga practice, his fur babies and anything that gives joy to him.
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