Sitting still is something I find very uncomfortable. Well, actually, it’s sitting still when there are people around that makes me twitch. Sunbathing. Dentist. Hairdressers. Dinner at the in-laws. These are all scenarios that would be changed for the better if only an enraged hippo where to barge in and stomp everyone into a fleshy pulp. Unfortunately my hippo has never arrived and until it does I just have to bare these moments in silent anxiety.
But alas! I can now strike one of these uncomfortable situations from my list…no the In-laws haven’t died, but what has happened is this...
In a moment of absolute genius, the owner of a local barbershop has decided to open up a micro-pub within the barbershop! And better still, you get a free beer with every haircut!!! And better better still, the beer is fucking awesome!!!!
Of all the ideas in the world, I rate this one the highest. Nuclear fusion…Pah! Stem cell therapy…Whatever. The wheel…Yeah right. This is a barbershop that serves craft ale. Let me repeat that for those who aren’t quite understanding the gravity of what’s happening. My local barbershop is now a micro-pub. And moreover, this also means that instead of talking mindless bollocks about holidays and current affairs, I can now talk beer for the entire duration of what would usually be a torturous experience. And as if the world hadn’t graced me enough already, I get to drink a beer for free!!
You simply can not evolve past this point.
So let’s all revel in this moment of clarity and understanding.
I have found my church, my place of sanctuary, my promised land. And I will henceforth take a monthly pilgrimage to visit what will inevitably become the birthplace of a new world order. A place where men shall be groomed and quenched of thirst. A place where mindless, awkward, conversations have evolved and have now been rightfully replaced with meaningful and sincere exchanges. The world can only become a better place because of this and maybe in the not-to-distant future we will all look back and laugh at the primitive lives we led before this moment came about and changed the world…