Continuing on my previous post about divorce being a terrible band-aid solution, now I offer what can truly deal with the root cause! Of course it is always easier to say things than do anything. This is why so many self-help books out there are very popular and bestsellers.
Anyway it's better to read the first part of this post in order to understand the full context. : Divorce is Still a Terrible Band-aid Solution. If you've already read that post then let's get on to the last part of this topic.
This should be common sense/knowledge but people in love cannot think clearly. I know because who in their right mind can think properly when they're madly in love with someone? 馃槀 I've certainly had my fair share of "stupidity" while "high" on love. This is why the saying "Love is blind," and the term "stupid love" keep popping up everywhere.
But since at the moment I am not in the throes of romantic love for anyone, I can and will say what most people in love cannot think of. Lately I have experienced more clarity in understanding religious things as opposed to when I was indifferent to Catholic teachings and practices.
On top of people being blinded by love, eventually the natural selfish inclinations will surface once the "honeymoon phase" is over. This is when people end up getting separated or divorced because they don't want to continue their vow/commitment to love their spouse anymore.
This is also when cheating happens because people keep looking for that "honeymoon phase" since it feels so good. Otherwise they are either addicted to sex or porn. Again, lack of morals, minimal self-discipline and disregard of God are the causes.
First of all, before getting married make sure you know what you're getting into. Marriage is a lifelong commitment, not a convenience. If you continually engage in premarital sex and masturbation then you are clearly already disobeying God's laws and have fallen from grace. Many people think this is fine (of course I used to think so too!) but it is an abomination to the Lord.
Meaning, get your values and moral code right before even getting married. Start by being kind to yourself and others. Lust is known for ruining many people's lives and relationships.
It's also common knowledge that marriage takes a lot of work. I should know because I'm a product of a broken family. I've seen it firsthand. A marriage and a family without God in their life will break apart very easily. (The children suffer the most.) So how can you keep a good loving romantic relationship when you know what it's like to be in a broken one?
If you need help on how to stop sinning including treat yourself and other people better, here are some tips to follow (especially if you are Catholic):
When you seriously follow God's commandments and love Him and other people, there won't even be a need for divorce. Actually the world will be a better place by then if all of us are good to each other.
You think that's idealistic? Think again. I know for a fact if someone works toward following the Lord, he/she will eventually be an ideal person. The skeptics will think it's impossible but so many converts and reverts to Catholicism can testify to the possibility. Nothing is impossible to God.
In case you're already having unbearable problems with your spouse well hey, there's hope! The secret to a great marriage is inviting God into your life. If you've already read all the posts above then you should have an idea what to do.
It may seem impossible now but again, nothing is impossible with the Lord. I have provided all the tips above on how to change our bad behavior. Commit to it and soon you can see the wondrous change that will happen in your life, married or not.
But of course I will reiterate:
Get back into God's flock even if you're on your own. Change yourself, let God mold you and eventually your spouse will soon follow. (John 14:15)
Yep, prayer is helpful. Pray for yourself and spouse. If you already have kids then make it a habit to pray the rosary together. This will help your family fight evil and temptations.
Bear in mind that it all still depends on you plus the will of the Lord. We are His creatures so He is not our slave to command or treat as a genie. Beware of such a pagan mindset as this is what most people have and must avoid. Better to really get to know and then worship God.
Don't just ask and pray then think that's it. Build a relationship with Him too for He is generous, loving and merciful. Pretty soon you will see the "fruits of your labor."
This should be self-explanatory. Be kind to each other. Do not let yourself be abused and don't abuse your spouse as well. Report to the authorities when you are under threat and don't stop praying to God to help fix your marriage and family too.
There are many kinds of abuse: verbal, mental, physical, emotional, etc. Think which one you're frequently doing to your spouse too. Each of us have our own flaws we have to change for the better.
If you have already brought God into your marriage and family life and started a relationship with the Lord, the urge to hurt others should not be as worse than before. A truly repentant sinner and follower of Christ would not dare sin against God anymore.
This might not make sense if you are a tepid or fallen away Catholic or Christian. However if in case you wanna know how it's done and are already working on your sanctification (or planning to) then read more details here:
If we want to have great relationships and never ever experience divorce, we must first work on being good people who follow Jesus Christ and God's commandments. Why don't we at least try to work on our sanctification just like the Lord instructed? (Leviticus 20:7; 1 Peter 1:16)
It's not easy, like going to the gym to have a perfect body, but it can be done. It will be painful and a struggle, just like how athletes train so hard to win the gold medal or how "self-made" billionaires work tirelessly to keep their wealth. Others may even laugh at you or look down on you but don't worry about them for you are working on your own salvation, not theirs.
Becoming pious and holy will take continuous effort; definitely not a one-time big time thing. In the end, like all Earthly success stories, it will be way more worth it.
So, what have you already done out of the things you've read? Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments.
XOXO,
