Are you like many people? Do you often find yourself feeling torn between helping others and just not knowing what is appropriate help to provide? You see the person on the side of the road asking for a plethora of “handouts” ranging from cash to food to clothing or shelter. You may think to yourself, “There has to be someone they can go to for help” or “maybe if they had made better choices in their life they wouldn’t be there now”. I often find myself torn between these feelings and the feeling of guilt over what I do have, and they lack. I wonder “what could have happened in their life that this is where they are now?” I want to help, but I don’t want to enable.
If you relate to any of this, you may have the heart of a social worker by nature. As a person concerned with the care and safety of others you may frequently find yourself overwhelmed by how you can help. Trauma Informed Care is something we can all be appreciative of. We may hear the word trauma and immediately go to horrors such as rape, murder, molestation, etc. Trauma is defined as “a deeply distressing or disturbing event”. This could be the loss of a job or loss of stable housing. The end of a marriage or other intimate relationship can also be considered a trauma. So, to provide Trauma Informed Care one must first understand that the trauma is a personal experience. What one person may see as inconvenient others may see as something so terrible they can’t see the possibility of overcoming it. According to Psychology Today, victims of traumatic events will not always react or behave in the way that we might expect. The reaction to the trauma does not define the severity of the traumatic experiences. Trauma Informed Care means “treating the whole person, taking into account past traumas and the coping mechanisms when trying to understand behaviors.” According to an author from Psychology Today, Mellissa Withers, PhD.,MHS, “The general public has little understanding of the ramifications of trauma. The result of this lack of understanding goes beyond an empathy gap or the lack of appropriate responses for victims of trauma. It can result in judgmental attitudes and even re-victimization of those who have survived a trauma.”
So, if we revisit the person on the side of the road begging for goods, we now have some insight into how to approach the situation. Having some understanding that there is likely an underlying trauma that has brought this person to an activity such as begging. Many times, these are the people who may just need to know that they are seen. That they are not invisible members of a society that secretly we hope don’t make eye contact with us. I cannot tell you how to feel when you see this situation, but I can offer suggestions. If you can, carry small snack packs with you in your car. These could include some cracker packs and a juice box, or some snack sausages and crackers with small bottles of water. Having something like this will allow you to offer something without the feeling of enabling a possible negative behavior by handing money out your window. Another possibility (if you can financially afford to) is to have some gift cards for local restaurants that you can hand to them. It gives them an opportunity to get out of the elements and enjoy a warm meal and a comfortable place to sit for a bit. If you are a prominent member of your community, you may be able to start a meal program that people can come to and get a hot meal for free. Most of all, understanding that these are people too, and they want and deserve our respect just as any other person does. These are the members of our society who are most vulnerable to be re-victimized because of the situation they are currently in. If we can find it possible to judge less and love more, we may see a change.
Credit for information in this article is given to Mellissa Withers, PhD.,M.H.S. with Psychology Today, posted on July 6, 2017 in an article titled Trauma-Informed Care and Why it Matters.
