"Some days are not good but some days are good." This phase gives me disconcerted on how should i look and understand this phase.
Actually, Im not in a good shape mentally these past few weeks. I dont know why but still finding a good reason why I behave like this. This isnt me. This is not me. These days are really hard to me. Waking up late, finding a hard time to get up, eating vey late and I dont have a reason to live. I was jolly, very very jolly. But now, I always hid myself from everything that can ruin me. Thats my talent, hiding every time theres a possible thunder that gets me.
I tried to step forward but these moments of being so uncomfortable that you question, is it worth it? It is emotionally devastating as you feel laid bare and exposed. You just want a respite, to take a second to breathe without the looming fear that you will be pushed back even more. A very lonely and isolating endeavor of a step forward and three steps backward and wanting nothing more than a moment of peace without the ballast.
And thats when I tried to go out and walk. To think deeply of what is wrong with me. Question my self my worth as a daughter, friend. I walked independently through the streets that can hinder my emotions. And maybe I can recall the moments that I was genuinely happy.The smell of the fresh air that comes into my nose, the surroundings that I love the most. Gives me hope and a wanted to step forward to the new things and accept the moments that I have now.
But, I am still grateful that I live the moment once was for me. And walking did comfort me. Realizing that all happens for a reason. And I believe in that.
And I hope you, the readers will fell comfort and hoping that you cannot feel what you wanted to feel because every emotions are once crumpled in to your mind. And remember, everything happens for a reason and dont blame yourself for it.
