Trust.

I had some more interesting thoughts earlier...
A few days ago I was talking about self respect and how I wanted to start focusing more on that like I have been with self love, forgiveness and acceptance and I've been trying to think of more ways to improve my relationship with myself and others.

I saw something about "trusting yourself" and that made me think quite a bit... I started asking do I trust myself? How much do I trust myself? What about my trust for others?

My answers in regard to trusting myself were mixed.
In some ways I feel I have an incredible level of trust with myself in that I am very honest with myself... Though I have failed myself in major ways too, I feel like I should have accomplished more in life and have difficulty overcoming certain fears.

In regard to trusting others... I feel one of my main issues I need to work on is in relation to trusting others because I have a difficult time trusting others... The world is full of lies! And unfortunately I feel like almost everyone has been dishonest with me at some point in life and...

I used to think I NEVER lied, but in recent years I've examined myself closer and feel like I actually almost certainly do lie sometimes especially when it comes to trying to sort of hide how serious my OCD is.

In my life I feel like trust is something people earn over time and that it takes a long time to earn and that you can lose it extremely fast... But, is that the right way to look at it? Could there be a way to trust people more without them taking so long to earn it?

I think it's time to see what the etymological dictionary says about trust...

"reliance on the veracity, integrity, or other virtues of someone or something; religious faith," from Old Norse traust "help, confidence, protection, support,"

There's more in the definition, but... Trying to keep this shorter.
So... If I rely on myself and my values and improve my confidence and help myself and protect and support myself... Then does that mean I trust myself?

I think I do trust myself quite a lot! I also feel like I try to help others and protect and support them so I think I trust others a lot as well... But, how do I apply those other things like having confidence in their veracity or reliance in them especially if they haven't take the time to earn it?

Ah... I think I have the answer... I'm reminded of the story in the bible about how Jesus was betrayed by Judas and some of the information I read suggested that Jesus knew he was going to be betrayed in advance and he still did what he did anyways.

Going even further than that... I remember reading somewhere (I may be misremembering this, but I think it was the Gospel of Judas which is not officially accepted by the Roman/modern system) that Judas was actually the one Jesus loved the most, and... I never understood that and still struggle with it...

How do you love the one who betrayed you the most? Why not love everyone equal if you're truly about unconditional love?

Hmmm... Maybe it had something to do with how those who have been extremely corrupted and who have "lost their way" need love even more than those who are generally more noble?

I'm a bit perplexed and confused on this one and if anyone happened to read all that I would appreciate hearing what your thoughts are on "trust"? Thanks for reading if you did and peace! <3