(I didn't make this meme, not sure anyone "owns" it in a copyright sense though just as a disclaimer I'm using this in a fair use sense.)
I dunno about "next level"... I think that's just regular self love.
However, I still vibed with this meme because I think there's some good sentiments to it and I've been exploring this path more and more recently.
Outside of being around a few friends and family, I actually spent most of my life alone and had mastered this skill/mindset of being content being alone at a young age.
I was pulled out of school early, in the 5th grade and I lived kinda far from town so I never socialized very much... I learned to be at peace within myself relatively quickly.
Yet... I always wanted to experience a romantic relationship even since I was a pretty young kid and year after year went by without anything significant happening until I was around 26.
There was one woman I met a few times when I was around 18, though... Nothing much romantic happened there.
I was too scared, I was more scared of meeting a woman in a romantic sense than being in certain life or death kinds of situations... It was a phobia, I was irrationally terrified.
I still am kinda scared admittedly, but much less so these days!
Eventually my sister bought me a 6 month subscription to one of those paid dating sites, I think it was match.com? And... I tried that, didn't have much luck.
Then I tried the free dating sites and after a while of talking online started meeting some people.
I talked to hundreds if not thousands of women and only ended up meeting around 10 of them in person and "fell in love" with around half of them and thought they felt similar about me.
It didn't work out with any of them in the long run unfortunately...
The first woman I fell for tragically passed away from a rare form of cancer and the rest of the women I fell for I at some point or another found were with other guys while I thought I meant something more than that to them and I became very depressed.
The majority of the depression was because of Amanda passing away, and I admit the heart break from what the other women did was pretty deep and difficult as well and in combination with the heartbreak I had from Amanda passing it was just overwhelming and I eventually got to the point where I actually seriously thought about suicide once.
Most of the time I just wished I was dead, yet... I really did actually think about jumping off a cliff once and I feel kind of ashamed about that, except I was just... In a really bad place mentally.
I finally recently in the last year or so really learned to much more significantly forgive and love myself and be content being alone.
I tried really hard for around 10 years to meet someone and it didn't work out, I take responsibility for some of that and realize I have some flaws and stuff I need to work on and I am working on such.
I also had some really good and memorable experiences I'll never forget and I'm grateful I tried.
And... Now... I'm really happy that I was sort of able to get back to where I was when I was younger before I ever met any women where I'm just happy to be by myself.
Now... Instead of being depressed all the time that I haven't experienced what I would have liked to experience, I'm happy and grateful to be in the present moment with the limited amount of time I have left.
I'm enjoying the heck out of the good meals I eat, the good music I listen to, the beautiful nature I get to see, the experiences and exchanges with friends and family, learning more about the world, making art, playing some video games, getting sun and exercise and being active again, sleeping alone and undisturbed in the most peace I've been in in a long time, etc etc etc.
Somewhere along the way of trying to fall in love with others I forgot who I was, I became too dependant on the approval of others out of a desire to experience certain things I had never experienced and only heard about from others or read about in books or seen in movies and things like that...
Then I found myself much more again and realized that's probably the most important thing... To just be happy with who you are and where you are to the degree possible even if things in the world aren't how you would like.
And... I haven't totally given up on romantic relationship stuff either, in fact... I'm back on the dating sites more than I have been in a while and am talking to a number of women... Plus... Some other really positive stuff has been happening for me in life.
I actually think that as long as things don't get too messed up from all this virus/lockdown stuff or that nothing else really serious or tragic happens that my chances are going to be better than maybe ever... I'm really making some positive changes in my own life and I think it might even happen in the next year or two, I feel like I'm getting closer and closer.
To think... That never would have happened if I jumped off that cliff that night.
I never would have developed such a deeper and more amazing love for myself and I never would have had another opportunity to meet someone in a romantic sense either if I had jumped. There's been a bunch of great and happy memories I've had since I was so depressed back then and... I'm glad I didn't jump. :)
Oops. I typed a lot. Okay. I'm about done. I just wanna finish by saying that...
If anyone out there is struggling with self love or relationship stuff... I hope things improve for you! <3 I believe that sometimes things can get better, but you probably won't know for sure if you don't try.
