I grew up without many fears, within a loving family but especially within one that used to repeat to me: "as you call life so it will answer you, it is an echo". My mother always told me that all the good I did in life would be returned, maybe not the same people, maybe not in the same way, but I had no doubt that it would, if I was a well-behaved child, gifts and the things I wanted would surely come, changing themes as I grew up but persistently the same argument, I became convinced that nothing bad could happen to me, I felt as a teenager a kind of "wonder woman" conceived that no matter what happened something would somehow free me from evil (as long as I did good).
Fuente/source
Mis abuelos solían demostrarnos cuando manifestábamos algún temor de oscuridad o tema parecido, que no había nada, si estábamos asustados por alguna película nos hablaban de la ficción de lo imposible que eso ocurriera, la palabra miedo no estaba en su léxico.
Todos los temores que aparecían los sentían pasajeros, confiaba tanto en que lo bueno me sucedería, era una fe ciega, constante permanente. No quiere decir que no me pasaran situaciones adversas, claro que me sucedieron muchas de todos los tonos posibles, solo que mi percepción y la de mi familia era: esto también pasará. Porque hemos hecho el bien, porque Dios mira nuestros corazones, porque todo se devuelve, no hemos hecho daño, hemos apoyado, en fin, esa certeza vivía con todos los que crecimos en es núcleo amoroso y de cierta forma muy sabio, donde había que hacer una buena acción al alguien cada día como premisa de vida además en silencio, mi abuela indicaba con frecuencia: lo que hace la mano derecha no lo debe saber la izquierda.
I was so confident that good things would happen to me, it was a blind faith, constant and permanent. It does not mean that adverse situations did not happen to me, of course many of all possible tones happened to me, only that my perception and that of my family was: this will also happen. Because we have done good, because God looks at our hearts, because everything is returned, we have not done harm, we have supported, in short, that certainty lived with all of us who grew up in this loving and somehow very wise nucleus, where we had to do a good deed to someone every day as a premise of life and also in silence, my grandmother often indicated: what the right hand does, the left hand should not know.
Hace cuatro años exactamente un “monstruo” vino a verme, se ha quedado conmigo, atravieso lo que he llamado una tormenta de arena, porque te cierra los ojos, no te deja ver, sin embargo sientes que el monstruo que tiene el mismo nombre de siempre “miedo” me acompaña. Llegó con la enfermedad de mi hijo, que lo mantiene incapacitado, estamos trabajando duro en su recuperación, se afianzó cuando todos o por lo menos el 90% de nuestros amigos y los de él se alejaran (creo que es temor a sufrir o a ver sufrir) y la soledad que es un monstruo más llevadero también se hizo presente, toda esa certeza de que nada perjudicial se instalaría en mi vida desapareció. Me he llenado de dudas, conozco el dolor de arriba abajo, ese no me paraliza tal vez me impulsa…pero el miedo si...Me detiene.
Exactly four years ago a "monster" came to see me, it has stayed with me, I go through what I have called a sandstorm, because it closes your eyes, it does not let you see, however you feel that the monster that has the same name as always "fear" accompanies me. It came with my son's illness, which keeps him incapacitated, we are working hard on his recovery, it took hold when all or at least 90% of our friends and his friends moved away (I think it is fear of suffering or seeing suffering) and loneliness which is a more bearable monster also became present, all that certainty that nothing harmful would be installed in my life disappeared. I have been filled with doubts, I know the pain from top to bottom, it doesn't paralyze me, maybe it drives me...but fear does...It stops me.
Fuente/source
Lo he vencido en ocasiones y vuelve a visitarme, lo he desaparecido con oración, confianza en la vida, presencia en el ahora, vivir el día a día, repitiendo mantras con pensamientos positivos, sin embargo a veces se asoma por mis sábanas, o en algún recuerdo especial o por alguna fecha significativa, es fuerte pero no más que las bendiciones que merezco y sé voy a recibir con mi hijo, no más enérgico que las meditaciones que realizo a diario, no mas poderoso que la creencia que me inculcó mi familia… no obstante escribiendo este post entre línea y línea se aparecía por eso titulé estas letras desde mi alma fortalecida Un monstruo vino a verme… pero sé que desaparecerá.
Exactly four years ago a "monster" came to see me, it has stayed with me, I go through what I have called a sandstorm, because it closes your eyes, it does not let you see, however you feel that the monster that has the same name as always "fear" accompanies me. It came with my son's illness, which keeps him incapacitated, we are working hard on his recovery, it took hold when all or at least 90% of our friends and his friends moved away (I think it is fear of suffering or seeing suffering) and loneliness which is a more bearable monster also became present, all that certainty that nothing harmful would be installed in my life disappeared. I have been filled with doubts, I know the pain from top to bottom, it doesn't paralyze me, maybe it drives me...but fear does...It stops me.
Traductor usado Deepl /used translator Deepl