Countless men come and go in my life, but I think you’ll be the one that I’m going to miss the most. The moment you told me that you’re leaving, all the flashbacks, the memories I had with men that have left me to their home-countries triggered my trauma. Its a trauma that I thought I finally can get over after I met you, but I was wrong. Despite you’re being a local man unlike all my previous foreign lovers, you still end up leaving. I didn’t expect this at all. And sometimes I ask myself, why do I always fall for someone who end up leaving me, eventually? 😔
But I can’t blame you. How can I? Its not like you’re leaving me for another woman? You’re doing this for a better future… working in a country with better economy is a better way to get out of this hardship in your life, this poverty, this struggle, and God knows for how many years!
I know, since the pandemic hit, I know you’ve been struggling to make ends meet. Getting laid off, changing jobs, getting little salary that wasn’t enough even to pay rent.. or even for food…
And now you told me that your beloved mother is in a stage 4 kidney cancer… one more stage, you’ll lose her… and there’s no more savings to pay for her medical bills…
You told me in your past, you have learnt a very expensive lesson that have caused you to lose all of your hard earned savings from years of hard work because you chose the wrong women, not one woman, but two! And you also told me that two of your brothers are depressed, drug addicts and couldn’t wait to die of a drug overdosed, you told me that they are not in their right mind to carry all of the responsibilities of a breadwinner of the family, everyone is not functional in your family and it’s all up to you, and you alone… all the responsibilities are all being put on your shoulder. How lonely you are! 💔
I know you are never happy with life, you too also struggle with your mental health, battling your own demons, but you chose to carry this heavy burden because you know who else will? But you know what? You’re a fighter and you didn’t end up in a darker path like most people, instead, you told me your hopes and dreams and you would do anything in your power to achieve that dreams.. You inspire me and that made me admire and respect you the most! I’m so proud of you, my love. So with a heavy heart, I will let you go because telling you to “Don’t go” is just plain selfish. And even if I did, it won’t change a thing. So I won’t.
So don’t worry about me my love, from now on I will eat on time, work harder, work on myself, love myself more, get enough sleep, and do whatever the hell that makes me happy so that if one day when we finally ever meet again I’ve grown better in age. You’ll see a better version of me, you’ll see that glow in me, so that you will fall in love with me all over again. And you? I know you will go out there and kick some @$$, king! 👑🤴
Don’t ever blame yourself for the wrong decision you chose, for the mistake you made in the past, forgive yourself, your past made who you are today - a man who still choose to live an honest life, who is still the kindest man I know, who willing to sacrifice a lot for your loved ones, a man who has the biggest heart ever, and most of all having the biggest courage to do whatever it takes to achieve that dreams of yours. To those women who sucked the life out of you like a PEST and a PARASITE, stole your savings and did wrong to you, they can eat dirt.
So when you are finally reading this, I know you are already safely landed on the land of opportunity and settling down and started a new life there. My love, you have come this far and I’m proud of you and whenever you feel like you’re spiralling down and fell into the pit of darkness, and battling your own demons alone again (which I hope will never ever happen again), remember I’m always here, despite the hundreds miles away, I’m just a one call away. I wish you the best in your journey, move forward in your life, growth, happiness, success and most of all take care of yourself. I made a promise to myself to never crying over spilled milk anymore, no more crying every night over you’re leaving but I’m sorry, I’m breaking the promise right now as I am writing this this tears just won’t stop rolling down my cheek and oh darling, this is not a good bye note, but rather, a “see you on the other side” note. ❤️💔💋
