I need to let go
I need to forget,
But I'll always remember it
I need to look past
The mess I created
I need to move past
The unrelated concepts conflated
I need to remember
Who I was at age 5
Not who they told me to be
As an adult
Not the mistakes I've made
But the things I don't forget
Cause me to dwell
In a synthetic ephemeral hell
There is hope
For me to cope
What have I lost
That which I despised
Still part of me may have died
Upon my toil they had relied
My spiritual and mental health declined
I prefer to accept responsibility
But the fault was only mine in part
I lost my sense of civility
And the blind rage began to start
There was a long train of abuses
Abuses of me
That they would always
Refuse to see
Because they found shallow pleasure
In their perpetuation
So I boiled over
Like a child on a playground
Who'd had enough of a bully
But my tactics were wrong
And I became stuck
In a place in my mind
That kept reliving what was dead
I couldn't get it out of my head
11 years down the drain
I'm finally getting over it
But I cannot wash it from my brain
In a time of hardship
You see the true colors
Of others
But sometimes strangers
Surprise with acts of kindness
That mustn't be random
The logical conclusion
Is to discard the misanthropy
Because what I had intially theorized
Is true
That at the core of humans
Is pure love
But are there really "N.P.C.'s"
Or are they just programmed that way?
I guess if there was no evil
There could be no good
Or any gray area
I'm contemplating these things
I finally feel I'm healing
But there's no doubt that I'm damaged
In some ways I cannot repair
So I mustn't stay stuck
When there is so much more I can fix
I cannot remain stuck in despair
I'm gaining ground
Just not in your eyes
You pass the judgment
I despise
I have a long way to go
A lot to work on
But I need to prioritize
My health
Both physical and mental
And I need to defend
And protect
My energy
You wouldn't understand the concept
And that's OK
The world has many types
But I simply cannot survive
Solely on your gripes
Some of it I may deserve
But what have you done to help me heal?
It's OK that's not your responsibility
But at least have some humility
Some civility
But civility has been traded
For a false dichotomy
An equivalent
To a partial lobotomy
The world I see laid before me
Has become intellectual sodomy
So why should I waste energy
Trying to convince everyone
They have all made their choices
I have made mine
And it's not any better
It is not superior
But it is mine
And I grasp it firmly
Only to let go
I MUST learn to let go