So , we all just about know that life sucks. Well , right when I was going to be the happiest , God or some superior being , managed to rip that all away from me. I mean, I was well aware of the struggles that I was about to bring upon myself, but I felt maybe it was all going to be worth it.
Fast forward to the man I’m married to telling me he no longer loves me bc I wanted to walk away from him. See he always alluded he didn’t care but never said it so bluntly. The man I fell in love with but lived a thousand miles away , decided he was taking a different life path , bc he felt I was never leaving my husband. And then to make everything worse , I get diagnosed with cancer.
Well thanks to the chemo, I can’t go to the gym like I used to. Last time I took one of the hiit classes, I pretty much fell to the floor and made a fool of myself. Therefore , occasionally I’ll modify at the gym, but it hasn’t been an intense 7 days a week anymore. Instead I walk this pretty path lined with flowers. That is what my exercise has been reduced to.
Luckily it’s a very pretty landscape. And I think about a million things while I walk that path. Both good and unfortunately sometimes the bad. Both what I’ve had and what I’ve lost.
The part that I’m most grateful for is my wonderful children. They truly are sooooo loving. Sometimes too loving. Is it sad that a part of me wants to toughen them up so they aren’t so sweet and innocent. So they won’t get so hurt. They are a lot like me in that respect. They don’t know what conditional love is. They love wholeheartedly. However , I also don’t want them to turn into jerks when they get older. I really hope they find that true love that I question even exists.
What I’ve lost , I’ve lost my faith in love being for me. I’ve lost my best friend. What hurts more than losing a love is losing a friend . But I guess I still have faith that one day I won’t get that love back but I’ll get that friendship back.
