They call it strange behaviour.
The way I pull my hair between my trembling fingers
and place it behind my ears.
The trembling in my voice when I say something out loud in front of other people,
and the feeling of collapsing on the ground
the times I speak without getting heard,
is something they choose to call bad behaviour.
When every muscle in my body screams for
someone to see my pain,
but everyone rolls their eyes;
only worrying about their own.
It's strange behaviour.
They raise their eyebrows the times my cheeks get too red
and I can't handle the cold that radiates from their hearts
and send out a bitter laugh
the times my tongue decides to swallow all the words I so desperately
want to say.
I leave the room when I get too uncomfortable,
and search for self-destruction
The nights I let my thoughts win the never-ending battle.
They call it strange behaviour.
I keep my hands in front of my mouth at night,
when tears well up in my throat,
and the fear of making a sound eats me alive.
I wake up the next morning with swollen eyes and a wide,
false smile around my mouth.
I drop large gatherings
and ignore conflicts that scream my name. Bad behaviour.
I flinch every time I hear a loud sound
and get furious the times someone chooses to step on my pride.
They call it strange behaviour.
Yes! They call it weird behaviour, because they refuse to see it for what it really is.
