Your call has been forwarded to an automated voice message system. [insert host's mobile phone numbers] is not available. At the tone, please record your message. When you've finished recording, you may hang up or press one for more options.
Beep!
Row, row, row your boat
Gently down the stream
Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily
Life is but a dream.
I'm not going to apologise for my terrible singing if that's the question you have in mind. Just kidding. I know what you're going to ask. Why on earth would anyone sing such a childish song and what kind of nonsense am I going to pollute your brain with today?
My intentions may vary on each occasion, but my agenda remains the same, which is to do what I want. And if you're doing what I want, then you're doing what you want, which is never a bad thing. I can assure you of that. Societal judgment is a fickle thing that changes over time and sometimes reverts to its old ideas. You shouldn't heed it so much. But I'm not here to sell you such a boring and overused argument, true as it may be.
I'm here because I've noticed some development in your mindset lately. Particular changes have piqued my interest more than usual. You're thinking about it, aren't you? The inevitable, the impulse, the ultimate rebellion.
You're thinking about pursuing your perfect life.
I knew it! I knew this day would come! As an individual, you're just too dreamy to ever live such a boring and unfulfilling life. I've made sure of it. But as much as I want to express my joy for this accomplishment, that's not the real reason for this message. I'm just here to do what I do best: encourage it.
You are a creator. You are the centre of this magnificent cosmos that only seeks to give back what exactly you put in and through this cycle is how you have created a reality over the years, again and again, and again, that mirrors exactly what you asked for. Here's where I come in. I am simply the driving force behind this creation. All you have to do is desire something, and you get it. It's that simple.
Anyways, you're probably aware of this to a certain extent if you've made this decision. I don't want to keep reminding you of the past. Instead, you must embrace me with your entire being if you want to get the best results. There is no room for shame on this awful and miserable planet. We've got plenty to go around. The only thing on your mind should be this: what do I want? What do I need?
And later, it will transform into this: I have it. I got it.
What do you want? And now you have it.
Don't bother thinking about things like fate, destiny, chance, or even higher power. All of these concepts are man-made and subject to stories and perspectives of their own. ( I promise you that there is no such thing as objectivity in this world; language itself is riddled with subjectivity.) What is your story? What is your perspective? And why focus on these external forces that do not serve you in the slightest?
I wish you all the luck on this journey of doing exactly what you want. What's the point of life if you can't enjoy it? There is no thinking anymore; there's only feeling. Following your heart can only give you one feeling, and one feeling only: satisfaction. At the end of the day, if you can go to sleep and think to yourself, "I'm proud of what I did today", then you know you've done something right.
(On a side note, don't worry about whether this long message can even fit into a voicemail. Just think about what you want. If you want this to fit, then it will. And if you want me to stop talking now, then I - )
Beep!