I’ve always pondered the human condition, from the moment my mind was able to form it’s first questions, the human condition was always at the forefront of my curiosities. Arguably the pieces that make us what we are, are neurons firing electrical impulses from nerve to nerve, tissue to tissue, muscle to muscle. Lobes of our brains, glands releasing hormones controlling emotions- all of these things are utterly inanimate and yet together they seem to form separate, insightful, remarkably diverse human beings.
I was never very good at being anyone’s victim. I can remember clearly a time when I was at an archery match in high school where I met this beautiful man, Ricky. Ricky wanted dearly to see what glories he could beat out of the timid, steady-aimed brunette in the corner, so he asked me to accompany him on a walk around the grounds. Delighted at the prospect of one-on-one time with Ricky, I followed obediently, excitedly with all the wonder and hope that a young woman so thrives on. We rounded the darkened hallways of corridors that had been shut down for the day and came upon a locker room. Ricky led us in and locked the door behind us, I could feel the panic swell inside me, the man, although gorgeous, was also about twice my size, and things could take a turn for the worse, and they did. It wasn’t long before Ricky had me forced down to my knees by way of fist to gut, aggressively feeding his dick to me. Of course any wise woman would have done what needed to be done to escape the situation with as little injury as possible, but I dragged my teeth as hard as I could across that motherfucker’s skin. Once the moment became available, I seized it and got up quickly from the ground and took off out the door. I never saw Ricky again but I heard he walked sideways for a few days.
The purpose here is not to outline the sad little tale of a woman been battered, God only knows there’s more than just a handful of us out there, and seeking pity or empathy is not my goal here. The point I want to draw attention to is what made me do it. As human beings we are designed as primitive animals at our core. This means, eat, sleep, fuck, survive. In a situation when faced with a predator that is clearly stronger and faster, the primitive being’s first instinct should be the path of least resistance. Logic would say it’s so. So what made me, me? I may lose a few of you yet when I propose my speculations on the matter so first I want to highlight a few more things that will lead you down the road to my proposal. Human behavior is not finite. It is ever-moving, ever-growing ebbing and flowing through countless movements, passions, sorrows and glory. We live on a planet where we choose constantly the path of least resistance.
There are typically two arguments that come into play when we are discussing personality. Nurture and nature- it is now common belief that both have a large role to play in who we become. However it is so much deeper than that- because we all know that two people can grow up under the same certain set of circumstances and yet still walk away with a different view of the world around them. To add to the multifaceted nature of this argument, consider levels of intelligence. Whether we are all currently celebrating the diversity of the human race holding hands singing kumbaya around the fire or not- admittedly there are those of us that are just a lot smarter than others. Likewise there are those of us who are more artistic, those who are musical, those who are science-minded, geniuses, autistic, confused, immoral and just downright sociopaths. Why? What makes those people who they are? I urge you to think deeper than nurture and nature, because there is an argument to be heard here for predisposition.
So you’ve waited long enough, it’s time for me to get to the point. I hold out to you with the rawness of my hands and the simultaneous fullness and emptiness of my heart-- the concept of the soul. Yes you read that right, I said soul. Perhaps some of you are familiar with the radical concept that the Hindu religion encompasses regarding the idea of reincarnation. The movement and passing of the consciousness of an infinite entity that exists within all of us in the effort to move toward the ultimate enlightenment. Take into consideration that this entity lives and then relives several lives, gathering information, learning skills, perfecting itself from one physical vessel to the other carrying its knowledge and experience silently in your subconscious where you can’t access it, but for some reason you feel that it’s there. Consider those who are born with natural affinities for musical instruments, those who enter into their midlife and have moments where they discover the brilliance of gravity, or electricity or medication- innovation is amazing, and science has a lot to say- but there are so many miracles occurring from natural talent, that it’s hard to discredit the idea of something more ancient than us, something bigger.
I have a talent for medicine. It’s an anomaly because throughout my entire life I’ve always felt as though I am just on the cusp of understanding it but I just can’t seem to wrap my fingers fully around the throat of what I’ve come to know as the human biological system. So I tip toe- walk briskly on the outskirts of the knowledge I so deeply desire, taking bit by bit, thread by thread and unraveling it ever so slowly never quite reaching the level I need to reach. The levels that I have managed to grasp onto though have come to me with a disgusting amount of ease, and I’m sure you may know someone who is like me. They never study, never read, never take notes or put much thought into their craft yet somehow it all uncovers for them seemingly effortlessly.
How can you explain this phenomenon? And don’t laugh because it’s viable to refer to it as such. There are those among us who cannot string together a full sentence of the English language and subsequently those in which language comes to with such ease that it’s as though it was already programmed into their brains. Perhaps it was? Perhaps the illusion that we are re-learning what we’ve already learned from a past reincarnation is all part of the process.
I’m going to end this first installment there. I intend to highlight more support for my argument in the coming weeks- after I have successfully fostered some dialogue from you all.
