Eating cold tuna noodle casserole directly from the baking dish and watching reruns of Becker. Don't hate me 'cause you ain't me.

Laughing at your own jokes is so satisfyingly tacky.

I’m really good at eating all of your french fries and reading all of your books.

I've never met a pair of penny loafers that I didn't like.

Quickly eating pesto cavatappi with a teaspoon should be an Olympic sport.

I am out of salsa. IS THIS WHAT THE END OF THE WORLD LOOKS LIKE?

Watching Seinfeld with your cat, your roommate, and a peanut butter and jelly sandwich is one of life's sweetest pleasures.

#SnagCity

🍝 🍜 🍲🎂🍕 🌭 🍔 🍟 🥙

✡🍷🤣✌🏼

3960 Chouteau Ave in STL

I'm not a dinosaur but I am something of a thesaurus.

¯_(ツ)_/¯

Sometimes I think I have a really good idea but most of the time it isn't one.

¯_(ツ)_/ ¯

The playlist at this Starbucks is like The Worst of the Best of the '00s.

The cute barista at Starbucks recognized me from improv and said I was funny. Suddenly 2018 is the best year of my life.

Am I doing this right?