Walking the Past

This is part 3 of my "Backstories" series and also the last one for now. Those three paintings are all connected to each other through a very specific state of being while I've created them. And because I'm always changing I don't know if that particular feeling will ever come back. We'll see :)

"Walking the Past", like the other ones too, was created without a plan or sketch sometime during summer and fall of 2022. Although the idea of using balloons as a metaphor for thoughts or fears had been on my mind for a while already. But basically I just started and let the emotion flow through me.

Those paintings were kind of therapeutic, a bit like puking out a feeling ^^
I'm very grateful for those artworks, because through the creation process I was able to see the emotion that felt so tight from a different perspective, from somewhere outside of my little ego self that was completely blocked by it.

"Walking the Past" is about all the stuff that we keep carrying with us. Old stuff, old feelings, old thought patterns, old fears. Some of the things that I keep finding in myself are so old that I don't even remember when I've picked them up.

All that baggage makes me heavy and blocks my path to being free and happy.
While traveling I don't only travel on the outside, but I also venture into the depths of my being. I guess that just happens when we leave our comfort zone and also have a little more time on our hands. For three years now I've been on the road and I already explored and let go of a lot of my baggage.
But sometimes I feel like some kind of onion creature ^^ pulling back skin after skin, examining them, until I finally get to the juicy core.
The baggage of the past sometimes feels like a grey, heavy old coat that is tight and smelly and doesn't even suit me actually.

The balloons as a metaphor came to me because through all this inner work I realized that those feelings or thoughts don't actually belong to my true self. They are something else that has been given to me or that I've picked up during my life on Earth. That's why I can simply let them go if I chose to, just like balloons, and let them fly away into the skies. I don't have to drag them with me for the rest of my life.

What makes it so difficult and hard work to let them go is that I identify with those balloons so much. Because they have been with me for years and decades they have become part of my self image.
And it can be scary to let go of an old thought pattern or behavior because who knows what's gonna be on the other side? Who am I without it? How will I react to certain situations if I don't have the "guidance" of that old behavior pattern?

Through all those years I have simply become used to my baggage, my fears, guilt and insecurities, even though it doesn't feel good at all, makes me heavy and unhappy.
It's funny how we humans can get used to all kinds of shit and are then even afraid to let it go ^^

I want to be free and happy, that's why I'm here. And even though it's difficult and scary, I'm ready to look at my fears, one by one, and let them go in peace at some point.

Of course I have a process video for you (with a little ukulele tune played by me), where you can see how the painting started out as a weird little creature that I doodled and then, after a lot of tinkering with the background and shading, evolved into the finished artwork with a story <3

Again, the NFT is available on MakersPlace: https://makersplace.com/anafae/walking-the-past-1-of-1-463748/