We set up camp quite late, after trekking all day through the dense forest, with nowhere really suitable to stay and light a fire and try to relax, we needed to compromise. We pitched out tent in a little

I didn't know we had a wind-chime. Now, it's chiming like hell. The air was dead a minute ago. Maybe it's one of the rats shaking the chime. No, it couldn't be a rat. How could a rat get up that high?

"Nice bowl." "Thanks." "You've got a good curve to it, as well." "Yes, it curved well. I was surprised – I expected a bit less curve. But it worked out OK." "Nice

"Four-eyes!" I look around. I can't see who yelled that. I guess they must be yelling at me. It's pretty quiet, in the square, so I guess they must be yelling at me. Nobody else wears glasses

"Hey. Excuse me. You, watching the television. Wouldn't you like a banana?" "What? What was that? Where did that voice come from..." "Hi! Over here! Look, on the sideboard."

I took the pizza out of the oven, the hot oven, with hot air coming out of it. There were four of us, so I would need four pieces. But how do I make sure that the four pieces are even enough? It's easy

Your mother lied to you. That's the truth. You've been living your life thinking Easy Off Kapow! was a children's cleaning product – a mere distraction or a toy with which one can clean tops of stoves,

A continuation of The Reeducation Board. The ground changed from dirt to something hard and flat, pavement or concrete. My rope-soled shoes made a soft, wet, smacking sound. Would it be a cliché if I told

"Where are we going?" I had something in my stomach. I could feel the dew getting up to my trousers, past my shoes. Soggy trousers and wet socks. The blindfold was tight, but I could make out

Our next guest hardly requires any duction, let alone an introduction, but with increasing workplace health and safety incidents, I am contractually obliged to make a workplace induction to reduce risk.

You may have seen the young ones slipping through drain pipes and down storm water drains. They are strange, dirty, but relatively harmless. They take what food they need, but for the most part leave us

Troy fell down the stairs. It was a long way down. The first few bumps were the most painful, but after a while he could anticipate when the next step would hit, and after a longer while it started to

Detective Hardass McCormick walked into the apartment. There they were, stranded on the sofa like two beached whales suffering from plankton indigestion. You could see them gasping for air, and they were

Over years, a thick layer of dust had accumulated over the solar panels. The same dust had accumulated over the mountains and the tree trunks and the bandicoot burrows. Eventually it became so thick that

The only way John could pass the exam was by cheating; he had exhausted all other avenues. After studying Calvinist metaphysics day and night for weeks, he still could not understand it. Why did they insist

It's so mucky and dark, I can't see anything. My flashlight stopped working an hour ago, and I've run out of matches, so I can't even light the shitty tallow candles I stole from a church. When I was twelve,

I was born in a cornfield, and I've been trying to get out ever since. My mother was also born in a cornfield. We have been living on nuts and berries and psychoactive mushrooms from birth. Yes. We are

Friends… Today I discovered some unsettling factoids about Australia's favourite high-protein dairy snack. That's right, I'm talking about yoghurt, the mildly acidic treat that's sure to get your saliva

Steve is a lactose intolerant fuck. He's basically Franco the Fascist, but instead of killing anarchists and being afraid of those wind-up toys that run across the table and knock over the salt shaker,

What did the Pope say to the Vatican slushy machine? You're a site for saw ice. BrookLorin Where do good Catholic children get to play if they're very well behaved? The Holy See-Saw. Antranias Why did