In a late afternoon, the sun wasn't hot nor cold, or maybe it just didn't matter. I saw you walking away by the corniche, not caring if you were followed, not caring about anything anymore. I started walking behind you in confusion as you walked without a burden. I spent years trying to find you.
If you were me then I would have told you to wait for me by the old sunset spot.
"If I were you", you never said "Then you wouldn't have needed a stranger's shoulder"
The sun smiled from behind the walls of a destroyed kindergarten as we smiled at the women passing by. It never occurred to them to say "There's a man talking to himself over there".
How many times can we be doomed? Before I spotted you, or the remains of you, I took a look at my watch. I wished I could have slowed its ticking, just by seconds, just by moments, I wished I could have frozen the Planck time. I hoped I could savior my mom's sneaky smile as she plotted to send me to the shop to prepare for my birthday surprise.
How many times can we be doomed? That was the moment you and I separated, you had gone to the shop and I remained in the house where you watched from afar as the blind rocket destroyed our home.
In a late afternoon, I saw you walking away by the corniche, not caring if you were followed, not caring about anything anymore. You walked with confidence as I followed with confusion. The sun has set behind us and the destroyed school is no longer seen.
You took extra two steps, I took two less. You didn't find me behind you, and I couldn't see you ahead.
"How many times can we be doomed?", I asked my mother as she attempted to gather the birthday cake, wearing a burnt dress, matching her soot-covered face. My dad is still reading what remained of his newspaper.
"They will eventually reach an agreement", my mother explained "We have done our part to make it happen. They can't have their peace without our death"
"What now?", I asked "Do we remain here? Stuck between the house and the sky?"
"No", she responded as my father got up and walked toward her "Now, you go your way"
Mother, please help me gather myself. I left the window closed and the doves stopped coming by, I left my face on the edge of the well, I left my voice hanging by the neck near the closet, I left my light as it collapsed upon itself, I left my smile hanging by the palm tree, I left my sleep to renew itself far away without me, I left peace alone on an alternative earth. Were you just dreaming during my awakeness, mother?
By the corniche, I lost track of you. Was I alone without knowing I am alone? It didn't occur to the women around to say "There's a man chasing himself over there".
I sat on the floor in despair after I lost you once again, I was so close.
Your words rang through my ear as you returned to help me up.
"Your hero is no one else but you. You are better than you ever give yourself credit, you are here now and that's a bigger accomplishment than you think. You are just programmed to never believe it when you hear it from yourself. You are here now, and that's the greatest thing you have done so far".
I looked up, I was by myself, but for once in my life, I was no longer chasing anyone.
