Rip at it til it bleeds
Why do we feel the need
To release?
If only shards fall
I could dodge them
But berserkr claws are too fast.
I am but a chained animal
In these moments
Set to lash out until released.
The illusions of freedom
Given to us by chemicals
But I will swallow
If it calms the beast.
I have an unhealthy coping mechanism of masochistic tendencies when I go into anxiety attacks. I rip my flesh. The aftermath is not pleasant when I snap out of it. I've talked to therapists and psychiatrists but habits are hard to break.
I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder (BPD) 3 years ago. I suspected it before I went for help. People have tried to tell me I should try this or that and to get off the meds but what they don't realize is that I've tried so many natural ways for a decade and it grew worse with age.
I want to say this to anyone in who struggles with mental stability. There is no shame in needing a helping hand. And if that hand is medicine don't hesitate because stigmas. Get help if you feel you need it and don't let your stubbornness ruin your life.
I still struggle but that's my personal fight; I learn by becoming aware yet non-judgmental.
I salute all of you who fight these mental wars and I thank all those who seek to help us.
Onyx Thorn
