Sweet little sheep I pass by every day on the way home...
Last night, the deafening sound of thunder woke me up. Amazed and delighted, I realized that this was the first time I heard thunder like this ever in the Bay Area. And that says a lot, given that I've lived in this area my whole life of 27 years. What proceeded to follow was a heavy shower of rain, the sounds of millions of raindrops making contact with the physical world. It was music to my ears. I opened up the windows, breathing the fresh air.
Today is the only day without rain for the next few weeks, according to weather reports. The sun is as radiant as ever, and the blue skies are magical. So far, today's been a leisurely day of dancing outside and then going to the farmer's market. Many of the lovely farmers I've met there have become my friends, and it was great to see most of them.
Writing this blog, I notice my tendency to blog about really deep things that take a significant amount of processing to write and probably to understand (as a reader). It feels good to keep it simple today. Yesterday, I went deep into the systems thinking blog I've been working on and came to the conclusion that I may need to break it up in different parts. We'll see. It's intense work, and I want to honor the time and energy needed to get it right.
My life is quite interesting right now. My housemates and I still don't know what will be transpiring with our house, now that it's been 8 months since our landlord Neil's passing. The house is in probate, and the executor is selective and vague in her updates to us. We found out ourselves that the house was taken off the market a few days ago. So we are a floating raft heading towards somewhere, and it's only a matter of time that the bank will get involved and repossess the property. The fact that the house is red tagged and is in need of over 2 million dollars in repairs might impact this process. We could be required to move out in a few months. It's also possible that systems are so clogged up right now that we could enjoy this place through the summer, or the year. Who knows? This feels symbolic and aligned with the times, as we move into the unknown future of 2023 as a society.
I'm not tripping too hard about my home reality. What seems important is be in the space of gratitude for however long we have here. The rent is affordable compared to the average predatory housing market rate, and the location of the house is breathtakingly gorgeous. This home was the first home I've lived in where I didn't just rent a tiny little room, tip-toeing around in someone else's house. Or renting rooms in sick buildings where hardly any caretaking or oversight takes place. In fact, it took me a while to feel worthy of living in a home like this. For the first time in my whole life, I was able to decorate and create my own home space. What a gift! So whenever things change and it's time for us to leave, I'm actually curious about that bifurcation point, and what might manifest as a result. It may spark a total leap of faith where I move to a different state.
I've also become the steward for a 9-year-old Bichon Frise named Rosie. She is one of the most delightful, playful, and loving beings I've ever met. She also has an incredible way of sensing emotions, especially if I'm feeling upset or anxious. Bonding with her has been quite magical. We'll often have these moments where we're just breathing together, our inhales and exhales in sync. Perhaps what I love most about her is how vulnerable and present she is, which makes her a great role model for me. You can feel it in her eye contact and the way she gives and receives love. Knowing that I am responsible for her, and that she leans on me for everything, is something I take very seriously.
The picture below was taken after a long and playful session of Ball Time.
Work has been weird, yet also promising and exciting. I have concerns about my boss and his capacities. I also have parts of me that haven't fully recognized the potential that's here to create amazing things, and to make a difference with all that's going on in this dystopian world. I'm sensing that these inner parts of me don't fully trust or believe in my power, my creative capacities. So it's time to talk with these inner parts, and step up.
