Hi, I’m Ofe, I’m 
🛑 My Mom’s Pricing Skills
Since I was younger, my mom never went to the market alone. She always took at least two of my siblings, and sometimes she took me along. That’s when I saw it: my mother haggles like she controls the market. She can beat down ₦20,000 to ₦15,000, and for whatever reason, the seller always lets her walk away with it. If the seller refuses, she’ll drop the basket and say, “Ehn, keep it then!” and somehow we’d be back 5 minutes later buying it cheaper.
🛑 The Reward from Mom’s Pot
My mother always makes sure we’re around whenever she’s cooking. But sometimes she doesn’t call anyone. She just waits to see who shows up on their own. Whoever gets lucky gets the helping piece of meat. That tiny bite felt like the reward for achieving a thousand milestones. We’d fight over who “stirred the soup” the longest, just to be near the pot.
🛑 Food-Restricted Days
There are times when we offend Mom. She gives us the silent treatment and says, “You won’t eat for the rest of the day.” It’s almost like grounding, because we depend on her and can’t go out to get food. So we hide in our room, out of sight, so we don’t mess up again.
Then general eating time comes. I watch my siblings carry plates of food, and one of them says, “Let me give you one spoon.”
Then the youngest comes to the room: “Mommy is calling you. Go to the kitchen.”
Mom: “Take that food over there.”
Me: “Thank you, Ma.”
Mom: “If you try it again…”
You go back to the room and see your siblings begging you for three times the food they gave you when hunger was your only hope.
🛑 Sarcasm
My mom can be sarcastic, and it leaves us confused. For example:
Mom: “Ofe, give me that rubber.”
Me: “This one?”
Mom: “No, the one on your head.” 🙂‍↕️
It’s funny now, but it left me with both a sense of humor and the skill to figure out what she really meant.
🛑 The “Go and Check” Mission
Mom would send you to “check if the rice is done” and that was code for “go and see if you can survive without burning it.” You’d open the pot, get a face full of steam, and somehow still pretend you knew what “done” looked like. If it wasn’t ready, you’d get, “Did I not tell you to check properly?!”
🛑 NEPA and Homework Drama
You’d be in the middle of homework and NEPA would take light. Suddenly everyone’s studying with a torch or phone light, and Mom says, “Read faster before light comes back!” Then the moment you finish, NEPA restores power. Every single time.
🛑 Sunday Rice and Chicken Protocol
Sunday rice wasn’t just food, it was an event. Mom would say “one piece per person” and somehow Dad would get two. You’d count your chicken like your life depended on it. And if you finished too fast, Mom would say, “You dey swallow like NEPA dey go take light.”
Supervised byMOM
XO
