Perhaps below all the things that people blatantly chase for in life such as riches and fame, there are things under the surface which they are truly longing for. Things such as love, knowledge, acceptance, and there are probably more.
Underneath a money-chasing social media influencer is a person that desires to be accepted by society. Underneath the guy that acts like a total snob cause he rakes in huge paychecks, is a boy that desires to be loved by his peers.
With many years of putting my heart into things only to have it go wrong, it has greatly reduced the amount which I can feel.
I used to be really expressive -- dancing to music, singing songs from the bottom of my heart, making little animated videos to tell a cheesy story that reflected my feelings, writing heartfelt letters to everyone who mattered.
In the past 7ish years, I just gradually stopped feeling as much. Through experiences with people, I got burnt -- people not appreciating the heart I put into those things, using it to gain an advantage through me, laughing at how cheesy I was (I'm pretty sure it happened behind my back). I've since became more withdrawn and have expressed myself less -- a reflex to protect myself I guess?
People chase highs like drugs and alcohol, I'm chasing the "high" of feeling something. Maybe I'm addicted to trying to feel, I know it sounds really silly. I love songs that make me cry, movies that make me laugh, those talent shows that always come with a sob story.
I just want to feel strong emotions, cause that's what makes me a human, that's what makes me, me.
It's always tough and a battle between the two. I go by a principle now -- if things are meant to be irrational (eg. love), think with your heart. If things are meant to be rational (eg. work), do it with your brains. -- The lines do get blurred if you start doing work for yourself though, but I guess that's a good starting point I guess?
Could the things we do in life, just be us trying to patch up these holes that we have in our minds?
