I have also analyzed the data and yet have come to completely different conclusions about the risks in both directions. It appears that a lot of your mistrust of the vaccines is based off what groups are promoting the vaccines (i.e. the medical establishment and government). While I can understand an innate distrust of government officials, I don't see a believable motivation for governments to mislead people in this case and in this way, nor do I see a believable reason for virtually the entire medical establishment to do so. I am aware of a few naysayers in the medical establishment, but I know several very intelligent doctors personally, and from discussions with them I can say with confidence that the vast majority of doctors strongly believe in the efficacy of both Pfizer and Moderna vaccines.

But you have at least convinced me that I am unlikely to change your mind, so I won't waste more of your time trying to convince you on the vaccine issue.

And I hope you are correct and that you've already successfully fought off the virus. But I still think it would be a good idea for you to get an antibodies test, so you can be more confident that it is safe for you to risk exposure to covid in large gatherings. Even if you are afraid to get vaccinated, I believe you should be cautious about exposure if you haven't previously developed an immune response. If you are interested, it appears that getting a test is easy: https://www.labcorp.com/coronavirus-disease-covid-19/individuals/antibody-test